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A passion for carrying – finding the baby carrier that suits you and your baby

Moved to tears watching the video of babies being carried close to their mother’s hearts, I shall never forget having just bought my first baby carrier. I was four months pregnant with my first child and had just bought a stretchy wraparound at the local market.

I was enlightened reading Jean Liedloff’s The Continuum Concept in 1992. Emotionally written, Liedloff shares her experience of the Amazon’s Yequana babies, ’from birth, continuum infants are taken everywhere … He is asleep most of the time, but even as he sleeps he is becoming accustomed to the voices of his people, to the sounds of their activities, to the bumpings, jostling and moves …… the changes of texture and temperature on his skin and the safe, right feel of being held to a living body.’ Since then I had joyfully imagined keeping my baby close in this way.

From my daughter’s first ride in a carrier when she was a few days old several years ago, I have been learning about the most comfortable and supportive ways to carry her and her little brother.

Of all the types of carriers, I have had the least experience with slings - the one I used on my daughter’s magical first outing to the forest at 12 days old was not very comfortable or supportive and I wore it rarely after that. Since then I have discovered the importance of wearing a sling high up and firmly close to the body, and being able to adjust the outer part of the sling (the ‘top rail’) so that the baby is held securely.

With any carrier, both its design and the way it is used make a huge difference in comfort levels and support for the baby’s body. Many people give up baby carrying without knowing that the design of carrier is not optimal for them, doesn’t suit the age of their baby, or the precise way it to wear it. For this reason I recommend considering structure, fabric, , position, and proper fit when finding the carrier that suits you and your baby. And you may, like me, discover different carriers fit different occasions, and different phases in your baby’s development.

I loved using a stretchy wraparound for my daughter’s first six months. This is a long piece of material tied in the cross-over wrap with outside pouch. I could easily slip my daughter in and out without taking it off. (This is called being “poppable” in the baby carrying community!) It supported her head and protected her from over-stimulation whilst giving me both hands free. I made one of these too but found the fabric too stretchy. All kinds of carriers may be made at home; the fabric used dramatically affects the support and comfort.
By seven months, I had sore shoulders with the stretchy wraparound, and began searching for other carriers. Many mums discover they need to switch from front- to back-carries at around six or seven months. Stretchy wraps can be worn on the back but are not often used in this way – as they are tied on first, getting baby in them usually requires some help.

I tried various types of soft constructed carriers – these vary considerably from brand to brand. They usually consist of a main rectangular piece with straps around the shoulders and waist. Padding on the straps makes them comfortable, and clips or ties mean they are usually easy and quick to take on and off. Take care that the constructed carrier you choose provides adequate support for your baby’s hips. Poor support is shown by their legs hanging straight down from the hips. For optimum support, look for a carrier with a wide crotch piece that extends to the baby’s knee hollow so that the baby’s legs are pulled up to at least a 90 degree angle and straddle around like a frog. Head support is also required for young babies and older sleeping babies. .
There are several kinds of soft constructed carriers, a few of which can be worn on the front, hip and back. Some I tried were more comfortable on the front when my baby was young, others were more suited to carrying my older baby on my back. My daughter loved to be carried on my back in a constructed carrier through the busy shopping areas and at the end of long walks up until three years old. I could carry her for hours and still be comfortable, and continued to do so until I became pregnant again.

On a recommendation, I also bought a hip-seat, a hip belt with a seat that sits out to the side for babies once they can sit up. I used it a lot, and when my daughter was 18 months old I wore the seat round to my back, and then tied her on with a long scarf. We were both delighted with this solution.

When pregnant with my son, I found out about woven wraparounds that can be worn in many different types of carries, including several on the back. I bought three different organic brands for comparison; with one brand I bought three different lengths so that I could research all the different types of carries. I bought an instructional DVD too, to fathom how on earth to tie them! (available from www.childrensneeds.com).

I wanted my daughter to be included when I was carrying the new baby, and so bought her a stretchy wraparound, a mei tai style carrier, and a woven wraparound. She and I spent several evenings trying different ties and carries, she practicing with her doll and I with a hot water bottle. She loves to carry her two dolls at the same time, one on her back and one on her front.

Once my son was born I didn’t use a carrier much for the first few weeks – my baby moon meant staying with Sunny in the bedroom for most of the time. When I began to venture into the outside world with him, we went on quiet country walks outside our back gate, and I carried him in the longest woven sling I had. I generally used two types of front carries for the first three and a half months – the kangaroo pouch and the cross-over wrap with inside pocket. I found the fabric of all three types of woven wraparounds gave him plenty of support and was very comfortable for me even after a long time.

Now Sunny is three and a half months old and I have just started carrying him on my back in one of the constructed carriers and also the woven wraparounds. Back carries can be introduced even earlier, depending on the type of carrier used, and particularly when the adult is experienced and knows how to ensure adequate support for the baby’s head. I find some things easier to do with him on my back– such as hanging out the washing!

Ultimately people fall into different camps with their choice of carriers. Some people are passionate about slings. Others are very happy with structured carriers or Asian inspired carriers and do not want anything else. Still others enjoy all that wraparounds have to offer and swear by them. Some people have one carrier from newborn to toddler, others, like me try several of them.

Even the research quoted often varies quite differently – for example, one sling site quotes research that babies should be carried lying with their backs in a curved position, whereas some of the woven wrap sites cite studies suggesting all babies be carried in a straddle position. Stretchy wrap carriers often promote outward-facing holds, whereas some woven wrap sites recommend not carrying this way.

When making you own choices, you too will soon discover what carriers work best for you and your body. Babies, too, have their own unique preferences in how they are carried. One place to start your own research on baby carriers is the Babywearer website (www.thebabywearer.com).

I recently read a children’s book entitled ’A Ride on Mother’s Back‘. As in ‘The Continuum Concept’, each person carrying a baby enjoyed activities that had been carried out for generations. The baby was a welcome part of that life, learning about his culture and his world, while remaining close to someone he trusts.

Here in the West, we have lost that continuum. Babies are often separated from us, and disconnected from the organic flow of life’s hussle and bussle. Thankfully the carrier industry is changing all that. Now we can reclaim the lost art of carrying babies, having all the different options available at our fingertips.


References
Liedloff, J. (1988) The Continuum Concept. Penguin Books, London. (first pub.1975).

Bernhard, E. and D. (1996) A Ride on Mother’s Back - A day of baby carrying around the world. Gulliver Books, California and New York.

first published in Kindred magazine Dec 2006 - Feb 2007
www.kindredmagazine.com.au

Types of slings and carriers - detailed version

Wraparounds or wraps

A wraparound is simply a length of fabric tied around the parent and baby in many different ways – on the front, side, and back. The baby can be positioned in an almost unlimited number of positions. Wraps are used in many traditional cultures, either in longer or shorter lengths.

Wraps are divided into two types: short and long

Short length wraparound carriers
Short length wraps are often called Rebozos, which originate from those worn by Mexican and Guatemalan women and girls of all ages. Rebozo means shawl in Spanish - they are used to carry all sorts of things as well as babies and children. A Rebozo is also used for warmth, protection from the sun, and during ceremonies. Usually made of a lightweight fabric (such as cotton, silk, and rayon) with fringed ends, they are worn tied over one shoulder.

Advantages
• lightweight and compact
• can be used from newborns to young children
• ease – almost any piece of cloth can be used (see Mamatoto website which particularly encourages use of a simple piece of cloth and easy ways to make wraps)
• versatile – can be used in different positions
• comfortable
• beautiful – often available in bright colours

Disadvantages
• requires some practice and may take longer to learn to tie
• some fabrics not produced under regulations regarding dyes etc.
• some people find one-shouldered carries uncomfortable

Types of short wraparounds available include:
The Rebozo www.rebozoway.org


Long length wraps
These are highly versatile wraps, usually worn in symmetrical fashion over both shoulders, which helps with weight distribution and comfort. They can also be used for one-shouldered carries. They allow many types of positions on the front, side and back. They are available in were lightweight and heavier versions are available. They have been very popular in Europe since the early 1970’s. Generally they are available in several lengths, the choice depends on the size of the wearer and the type of carries they want to use. They are divided into two categories: woven and stretchy.

Advantages
• baby is held securely
• comfortable - baby’s weight is distributed over a wide area
• versatility – a multitude of positions, carries, and fabrics to choose from
• two shouldered carries very comfortable
• support babies' natural posture, keeping the legs in 'frog' position and the back rounded

Disadvantages
• may take slightly longer to get on and off
• the number of choices of carries can be overwhelming for a beginner
• long piece of fabric can be overwhelming for a beginner
• bulky for storage
• in wet or muddy places the fabric may drag on the ground when tying

Long wraps are divided into two types: woven and stretchy

Woven long length wraparounds
These are often made of diagonally woven fabric or hand woven fabric, although any woven fabric can be used. Usually made of cotton, the thickness depends on the climate – thicker ones are available in Europe and thinner ones in hotter climates.

Benefits
• versatile and comfortable
• can be used from newborns to young children
• many tying options available
• can tighten individual fabric “strands” for maximum fit, comfort and support
• stable and safe for older children with back carries
• comfort for wearer’s shoulders even with toddlers and long walks
• doesn’t stretch out of shape
• rarely needs retying after a long time wearing it
• generally long-lasting, especially the organic ones
• can be used after baby carrying days are finished, such as for hammocks, swings, and tablecloths

Disadvantages –
• requires practice
• some fabrics are hot in hot climates
• not so easy to pop baby in and out as stretchy wraps

Woven long length wraparounds include:

Storchenweige (thick organic cotton, double hemline, tapered ends, uses double thread in warp and weft which makes it very durable, the stretch embraces and supports baby, cut on the bias, marked in middle for ease of tying, made in Germany), http://storchenwiege.com/ www.childrensneeds.com

Lana (organic, double hemline, square ends, marked in middle for ease of tying, made in Switzerland), available in Australia www.babaroo.com.au and www.carryingaway.com

Didymos (organic cotton, tapered ends, grown in India and made in Germany and Austria, cut on the bias, double hemline, the thickness of a light blanket, marked in middle for ease of tying, beautiful patterns available) www.didymos.de

Hoppediz, (organic, double hemline, tapered ends, grown and made in India under Fair Trade, middle of sling marked for easy tying) www.hoppediz.de

EllaRoo Wrap (lightweight with fringed ends, may wear out more quickly and not give support to small babies’ backs, traditional style made in Guatemala) www.carryingaway.com

For a comparison between the different woven wraparounds see http://childrensneeds.com/baby_sling_research.html


Stretchy long length wraparounds
These are usually made from cotton. They tend to be used for younger babies because of the stretch and bounce. They are generally tied first and then the baby is put inside. Tight wrapping is required so that the baby is held securely. The pocket wrap cross carry is most frequently used, and the baby can be positioned facing inwards vertically or horizontally, and vertically facing outwards (although some do not recommend this carry).

Benefits
• very comfortable, especially with younger babies
• easy to get baby in and out (poppable)
• ease – can leave the wrap on when you take the baby out
• breast-feeding on both sides is easy with the stretch

Disadvantages
• the stretch and bounce may not be comfortable with babies over 6 or 7 months
• lacks support and security for back carries
• less options for the number of carries recommended
• May need to be retied to maintain support and comfort

Stretchy long length wraparounds include:

Hug a Bub (designed in Australia of cotton jersey material, has front pocket/storage pouch and comes with video), www.hug-a-bub.com

Moby wrap (made in Thailand of cotton interlock, cool and soft) www.mobywrap.com

The Ultimate Baby Wrap (very stretchy, cotton and lycra, has pocket) ww.theultimatebabywrap.com

for a comparison on whether to go stretchy or woven, see http://www.cottoncradles.com/erwrapvshugabub.htm
and http://childrensneeds.com/baby_sling_research.html

A question about outward facing carries
Some manufacturers do not recommend carrying a baby facing outwards on the adult’s front with a wrap carrier. Some of the suggested reasons include: The supporting cloth between the legs cannot be pulled wide enough, so the spread-squat position is not possible. The back is not supported properly because it is being pressed against the stomach/chest of the carrier. The baby may get over-stimulated, and boys have pressure against the testicles. (see http://www.hoppediz.de/)


Slings
A sling is simply a piece of material that goes over one shoulder and then around the hip of the carrier. It is usually tied with a couple of rings that allow the sling to be tightened or loosened instead of knotted like the traditional rebozo from which they were developed. A baby can be carried on the front, hip or back. Small babies can recline in the sling, whereas older babies are often carried in the hip carry. Other slings have clips or ties instead of rings.

Many slings have an “open tail” for maximum adjustability and versatility. This means that the top part of the sling (this is called the top or outside rail and is the side of fabric away from your body) can be pulled tighter to support the baby’s head and protect the wearer’s back by distributing the baby’s weight. It is possible to buy a closed-tail sling with adjustable rails. Some slings have a wide swathe of fabric that can be spread across the carrier’s shoulder and upper arms, which also helps distribute the baby's weight. The comfort of wearing a sling is drastically affected by whether it is being used correctly, for example the rings being in the optimum position and the correct tightness and position of the baby.

Advantages of slings
• easy to get on and off
• easy option for beginning babywearers
• convenient for breastfeeding
• toddlers can get in and out quickly
• can be used for newborns up to toddlers
• upright carries, hip carries, and back carries all possible
• can change positions whilst baby is in the sling
• adjustable

Disadvantages
• can be uncomfortable for those who prefer to use both shoulders
• can promote unequal posture of person carrying
• baby usually needs support of one hand of parents for stability
• can take time to adjust fabric through the rings


Slings are divided into two types: padded and not padded:
Padding can be situated just on the rail or shoulder or all over.

Padding or no padding?
Advantages of padding
• may support a smaller baby’s head whilst breast-feeding
• may mean less pressure on parent’s shoulder
• may protect baby’s legs from material digging into them

Disadvantages of padding
• may be uncomfortable in a warm climate
• more bulky for carrying in a bag
• may make sliding onto the back more difficult
• padding on the rail may make adjusting top rail more difficult
• may make it difficult to bring the sling very high and tight for maximum comfort


Unpadded slings include:

Maya wrap (Cotton Guatemalan fabric with open tail, fair traded) www.mayawrap.com and www.instinctiveparenting.com

TaylorMadeSlings (available in cotton mesh, flax/linen, hemp, silk, organic mesh, thermal, solarveil for sun protection, and nylon mesh for use in water) www.taylormadeslings.com

Amaryllis Pocket Sling (open-tailed with a deep pouch, made in Australia) www.carryingaway.com


Padded slings include:

EllaRoo Sling (open tail, lightly padded, available in organic version) www.carryingaway.com

Comfy carry (choose between side release clips or rings, made in Australia, netting available for hot climates) – www.cairnsmidwifery.com.au/content/overview.htm and www.instinctiveparenting.com


Pouches
These are another development from the rebozo, but this time without a tie, ring or clip. The fabric is sewn together into a loop. The baby can again be worn on the front, hip or back. However, many pouches are not adjustable. Some do have means of adjusting the size, for example with buttons or poppers. Can be used for newborns, upright carries and hip carries.

Advantages
• ease of putting on and off
• ease for quick carries
• lightweight, fold compactly, easy to carry in a nappy bag or handbag
• built in pouch feels secure
• easy to transfer baby to car seat or to put sleeping baby down

Disadvantages
• difficult to share pouch between caregivers when not adjustable
• adjustable pouches are more bulky
• important that they fit exactly
• some find them uncomfortable and prefer the support of two shoulders


Non adjustable pouches include:

Hotslings – Stretchy cotton fabric with padding. Available in different type of fabrics including solarveil (sun protection). www.hotslings.com and www.carryingaway.com

New Native Baby Carrier – organic twill or flannel with deep pouch. www.newnativebaby.com

Adjustable pouches include:

Kangaroo Korner – cotton or fleece, can be shared between different carers, can do vertical carries. www.kangarookorner.com


Asian-style carriers
These are formed of a rectangle of fabric with straps that come from the corners. They are made of either two straps, developed from the Korean-inspired Podaegi, and the more commonly known four-strap carriers, which have developed from a Chinese-inspired Mei Tai. The rectangle of fabric goes around the baby and the straps can be tied in various ways, with the baby either on the front or the back. Mei Tai-style carriers are made by many different manufacturers. They are very popular because of their ease and comfort. Mei Tai is a Chinese term meaning "to carry the beautiful.”

Advantages
• weight distributed over both shoulders (in Mei Tai)
• comfortable wearing heavier babies and toddlers
• lightweight
• easy to use
• back carries are quick and easy to learn
• beautiful fabrics generally available
• lots of choice since there are so many manufacturers
• one size fits most

Disadvantages
• some people find them uncomfortable for long periods (straps may dig into shoulders)
• some do not have head support and so may not be suitable for newborns or sleeping babies

Asian style carriers include:

Cwtshi Evo - has leg padding, popper system for head support, and side rings for extra security. www.cwtshi.com

Kozy Carrier – slightly padded straps, canvas-type fabric, curved head support. www.kozycarrier.com

Ellaroo Mei Tai – available in Chinese-made embroidered option, or US-made cotton with organic cotton batting. www.ellaroo.com/mei-tai.php

Ellaroo Podaegi – cotton, can be used with straps over shoulders or strapless for extra shoulder comfort. www.ellaroo.com/podaegi.php

GoGoBabyTotes - UV protection, mei tai style, can be used on the beach, pool, shower. http://babyarmadillo.com


Structured soft carriers
These are a modern style of carrier, which generally use clips or Velcro for fastening. Some are used just for the front, others for front and back, others for front, hip and back. Several of these types of carriers do not provide adequate support for a baby’s spine and place too much pressure on the baby’s pelvis. How to find out which ones are like this – if the material under the crotch is narrow and the baby’s legs dangle down rather than wrap around the carrier’s body in a frog style.

Advantages
• ease of getting on and off
• easy to learn how to use
• comfort, especially with padded ones

Disadvantages
• some put too much pressure on baby’s pelvis
• some lack padding and support for wearer’s shoulders and back


Structured soft carriers include:

ERGO baby carrier – wide strap around hips and for shoulders means high comfort levels, made in America, available in organic option, infant insert can be added, has hood for head support when baby is sleeping www.ergobabycarrier.com and www.instinctiveparenting.com and www.carryingaway.com

Patapum - made in Italy, cotton canvas outside, brushed twill inside, padded shoulder and waist straps, detachable hood available for sleeping babies. Toddler version available. www.patapum.com and www.carryingaway and www.bubani.com

Wilkinet – like a wraparound but with long thin ties rather than thick cloth, wide and well padded shoulder straps, has high padded head rest, available in soft cord, cotton canvas, twill cotton, and denim, made in the UK. www.wilkinet.co.uk



Other types of carriers


Backpack style carriers

These often have a metal frame, with the baby being held away from the adult’s body. They can be very heavy and bulky.


Multiple pouches

The slingset – a stretchy pouch system that can be used on one shoulder or both depending on how many pouches and supports are used (these attach with Velcro). http://www.theslingset.com


Hip carriers

Ellaroo Mei Tai Hip Carrier – a hip carrier that has a shoulder strap that cups the shoulder of the wearer for more comfort.
http://www.ellaroo.com/mei-hip.php

Hippychick Hipseat carrier – like a hip belt with a seat shelf, distributes weight through the hips and spine of the wearer. www.hippychick.com and www.bubani.com

Doll slings for children:
Storchenweige, Didymos, Maya wrap, TayorMade slings, New Native Baby carrier, and Cwtshi available.

Making your own carrier

This option is an easy and cheap way to carry a babiy. However, bear in mind that some fabric types and weaves mean less support for the baby and less comfort for the wearer. Diagonal and horizontal elasticity or “give” at just the right amount makes the difference between carrying an older baby comfortably or uncomfortably. Very stretchy fabric may need frequent retying to maintain comfort. If the fabric is too smooth the knot will gradually give way. When the fabric is too rough, retightening the fabric folds sensitively becomes difficult. Thinner fabrics may cut into skin at the folds and creases. Traditionally, stripy fabric is used to enable ease of tying. So if you make your own, you might want to research fabric types first.


What to consider when choosing a carrier

The age of your baby -
Newborns to pre-sitting infants – front carries using stretchy and woven wraps, slings, pouches, Asian-style carriers and some soft structured carriers. Back carries are possible too, as long as there is head support.
For 5 or 6 months onwards, back carries and hip carries using woven wraps, soft structured carriers, Asian-style carriers, and slings.

Do you want one carrier to use from newborn to young child? - If yes, then you will need a multi-purpose carrier like a sling, rebozo or a woven wraparound carrier. If you want more than one, then each can suit the different age child (see above).

Do you want to choose between lots of different types of carries? Then a woven wraparound has most choices, followed by an unpadded sling.

Are you new to baby carrying and want the easiest learning option? Then pouches may be the way to go.

The climate you live in – In hot summers, cotton, mesh, linen, and hemp feel cooler. For cold weather, woven wraps made in Europe are usually warmer. Or you may choose a carrier that fits under your coat or even buy a specially designed coat or poncho designed for babywearing.

Will you carry your baby all day or just for a few minutes at a time? – two shoulder carries are generally more comfortable for longer periods, and woven wraps for back carries are comfortable with older babies and toddlers. If you are getting your baby or toddler in and out many times you will want something with high poppability eg stretchy wrap, sling, pouch, or using certain carries with woven wraps.

What will you be doing when using the carrier? If cooking then make sure you can wear the carrier on your side or back. If you want it for the shower or beach then choose a mesh or UV protected sling or carrier.

Comfort of baby and wearer - Consider whether you want padding, and whether your shoulders get tense (wraparounds and podaegis might be a choice here). Some people prefer two shouldered carriers for comfort and weight distribution.
What position do you and your baby prefer? For upright carries a wraparound or Asian inspired carrier may be most optimal, for reclined carries a sling may be preferable.

Do you want to be able to adjust it when the baby is inside? Unpadded slings are often most adjustable in this way, as baby can be moved from front to side to back.

Will more than one person be using it? More adjustable carriers include wraparound carriers, unpadded slings, and rebozos.

Will you need to carry more than one child? With twins you can use one long wrap, two wraps or slings, or specific babycarriers. If the children are different ages, put the smaller on your front and the larger on your back.

Do you want to be able to breast-feed with it on? Many carriers enable you to do this, especially stretchy wraparounds and slings.

Will you be doing Elimination Communication with your baby? If so you will need high poppability and probably more than one carrier for washing.

What do you want the carrier to look and feel like? Consider the beauty of fabrics, choice of fabrics and feel of fabrics – to suit your preferences and personality. Some prefer more traditional carriers, or more modern styles. Organic ones are usually softer.

Is organic and fair trade manufacture important to you? Look for organic carriers, fair traded, with baby-friendly dyes. Remember that baby has the carrier against his skin and is likely to suck it at times.

Will you be carrying a baby or toddler whilst you are pregnant? Look for one that can be tied just around the shoulders, such as a woven wraparound for back carries.

Does it provide ergonomic support for the baby? – Kirkilonis (2006) has the following suggestions: The legs need to be supported at a 90 degree angle or more and straddled around the wearer’s body. She recommends avoiding carriers where the hips hang straight down. For back support, the carrier needs to be snug against the baby’s back and pull the baby close to the parent. Many slings and structured carriers do not have enough back support for younger babies. Head support and stabilization is important for young babies and older babies when sleeping.


Some carrying tips
• practice first at home in front of a mirror.
• keep practising!
• make sure the baby is held securely.
• for optimal support for baby and comfort for wearer, high up and firm holds are usually required. This creates optimum weight distribution.
• consider back carries for older and heavier babies.
• ensure baby has the option of protection from over-stimulation (some specialists do not recommend frontward outward facing carries)


What is the next step?
Talk to other people who have used different carriers, research the carriers you are interested in, try them on or go to a baby wearing instruction course, and read up afterwards to make sure you are using it the way it is designed to. Once you have found the type of carrier you want, then there is a choice of which brand. The babywearer website has reviews of all the different types. Consider the possibility of making your own (The babywearer website and other links also have patterns for most carriers). Then, have fun being close to your baby and doing the things you love!



Resources

The Babywearer website www.thebabywearer.com - this site has everything you might want to know about carrying babies, from choosing a carrier, to reviews and sellers of hundreds of carriers, to detailed instructions on how to use them, how to make them, and several different forums to join.

Comparisons of different carriers
See http://www.instinctiveparenting.com/flex/comparison_chart/101/1 - for comparison of the hug a bub, maya, ergo and comfy carrier.

How to tie and wear different carriers
Mamatoto – www.mamatoto.org - devoted to babywearing and the use of a simple piece of cloth. Lots of instructions with pictures and videos of how to tie slings and wraparounds.

Pictures and instructions in Blois, M. (2005) Babywearing – the benefits and beauty of this ancient tradition. Pharmasoft Publishing, Texas.


Rebozos
The Rebozo Way project http://www.rebozoway.org

The Rebozo Way of Life - Barbara Wishingrad http://www.rebozoway.org/articles/rwplife.htm

Pictures of how to tie Rebozo wraps
http://www.rebozoway.org/articles/origway.htm

How to tie Mexican Rebozos - Vesta Hartman Garcia
http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/HowToO/Rebozos.htm

Short wraparounds
Mamatoto - a site dedicated to babywearing, even (especially!) with a SPOC (simple piece of cloth). – lots of pictures and videos for how to tie wraps www.mamatoto.com

Long wraparounds
Which length of woven wrap to choose,
http://www.childrensneeds.com/universal%20sizing%20chart.html
http://www.cottoncradles.com/wrapsizechart.htm

For instructions on how to put on wraparounds, see:
“Tying your woven wrap” Instructional DVD with many carries available from www.childrensneeds.com
http://www.storchenwiege.com/differentholds.htm
http://www.wearyourbaby.com
http://www.ellaroo.com/wraparound-instructions.shtml
http://www.cottoncradles.com/pocketwrapcross.htm (for stretchy and woven wraps)
http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/HowTo/WrapLinks.htm
How to tie a long wraparound http://www.didymos.de/english/index_e.htm

Using slings
Pictures and instructions in Blois, M. (2005) Babywearing – the benefits and beauty of this ancient tradition. Pharmasoft Publishing, Texas.
Getting started with a sling by Darien Wilson
http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/HowToO/GettingStarted.htm

Using Pouches
Using a pouch by Jen Moore
http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/HowToO/Pouches.htm

Using Mei Tais and Podaegis/ Podegis
Instructions for using a mei tai style carrier by Kelley Mason
http://www.kozycarrier.homestead.com/instructions.html#anchor_62

Instructions for using a podegi
http://www.wearsthebaby.com/babywearing/podegi.html

Whether to carry a baby facing outwards:
Dr. Eveline Kikilionis, “A Baby Wants to be Carried.” (Currently only available in German: “Ein Baby will getragen sein.”)
http://www.storchenwiege.com/babycarrierresearch.htm


Carriers made or designed in Australia include:
Hug a Bub - www.hug-a-bub.com.au
Amaryllis baby – pocket sling, wrap me up and mei tai – www.carryingaway.com
Comfy carry – www.cairnsmidwifery.com.au/content/overview.htm
Freedom slings
Baba slings www.babaslings.com


Australian sellers of carriers include:
Instinctive Parenting www.instinctiveparenting.com - sell Hug-a-bub, Maya wrap. Comfy carry and Ergo baby carrier. Located in Byron Bay
Babaroo www.babaroo.com Sell the Lana wrap. Located in Victoria.
Carrying Away www.carryingaway.com - sell pouches, ring slings, wraparounds, Asian-inspired carriers, structured carriers and hip carriers. Located in the Brisbane area
Bubani.com www.bubani.com - sell Patapum and Patapum toddler carrier, and hippychick hipseat babycarrier. Located in Western Australia

With thanks to
Suzanne Shahar www.hug-a-bub.com and www.instinctiveparenting.com
Bronwyn Nugent www.babaroo.com
Beate www.childrensneeds.com
For all their help and information.

Types of slings and carriers

Wraparounds or wraps
A wraparound is a length of fabric tied around the parent and baby in many different ways – on the front, side, and back, with either one- or two- shouldered carries (the latter gives comfort for the adult’s shoulders and back through weight distribution and means they have both hands free). The baby can be positioned in an almost unlimited number of positions with plenty of support for their posture. They can be used to carry newborns to young children. Their use requires some practice, but makes up for it in versatility.

Woven (many tying options; stable for older children with back carries)
Rebozo (a short wrap)
Storchenwiege
Lana
Didymos
Never Fail Back Wrap
Freedom Sling
Hoppediz
EllaRoo Wrap

Stretchy (easy to get baby in and out; mainly used for front carries)
Hug-a-Bub
Moby Wrap

Slings
A sling goes over one shoulder and around the torso of the adult. It is usually tied with a couple of rings that allow the sling to be tightened or loosened and worn by different adults. Baby can be carried on the front, hip or back. Small babies can recline in the sling, whereas older babies and toddlers are often carried sitting upright on the hip. Slings are easy to get on and off and baby can change positions without getting him out. Parents can choose between padded or unpadded; which affects pressure, warmth, adjustability and bulk.

Unpadded
Maya wrap
TaylorMadeSlings
Amaryllis Pocket Sling

Padded
EllaRoo Sling
Comfy Carry
Baba Sling

Pouches
Like a sling but without a tie, ring or clip. The fabric is sewn together into a loop. Can be used for front, hip and back carries. They are usually lightweight and easy to get on and off. Most pouches are not adjustable which means that exact fit is important.

Hotslings
New Native Baby Carrier
Peanut Shell
Kangaroo Korner (adjustable)
The Slingset (multiple pouches)

Asian-style carriers
These are formed of a rectangle of fabric with straps that come from the corners. They are made of either two straps, developed from the Korean-inspired Podaegi, and the more commonly known four-strap carriers, which have developed from a Chinese-inspired Mei Tai, which means ’to carry the beautiful’. They vary in whether they can be worn on the front, hip and back, and whether they have padding on the straps. They are easy to get on and off.
Cwtshi Evo
Kozy Carrier
Ellaroo Mei Tai
Ellaroo Podaegi
GoGoBabyTotes


Structured soft carriers
These generally use clips or Velcro for easy fastening. Some are designed just for the front, others for front and back, others for front, hip and back (thus for different age ranges). Some of them are extremely comfortable, most are easy to get on and off. A few of these types of carriers do not provide adequate support for a baby’s spine and place too much pressure on the baby’s pelvis, because the material under the crotch is too narrow, so the baby’s legs dangle down.

Structured soft carriers which do provide adequate support for spine and pelvis:
ERGO Baby Carrier
Patapum
Wilkinet



Backpack style carriers
These often have a metal frame, with the baby being held slightly away from the adult’s body.


Hip carriers
Ellaroo Mei Tai Hip Carrier
Hippychick Hipseat

Doll slings for children
Storchenweige, Didymos, Maya Wrap, TayorMade slings, New Native Baby Carrier, and Cwtshi.



What to consider when choosing a carrier

The age of your baby -
Newborns to pre-sitting infants – front carries using stretchy and woven wraps, slings, pouches, Asian-style carriers and some soft structured carriers. Back carries are possible too, as long as there is head support.

For 5 or 6 months onwards, back carries and hip carries using woven wraps, soft structured carriers, Asian-style carriers, and slings.

Do you want to choose between lots of different carrying positions? Then a woven wraparound has most choices, followed by an unpadded sling.

Consider the climate you live in - In hot summers, cotton, mesh, linen, and hemp feel cooler. For cold weather, woven wraps made in Europe are usually warmer. Or you may choose a carrier that fits under your coat or even buy a specially designed coat or poncho.

Comfort of baby and wearer - Consider whether you want padding, and whether your shoulders get tense (wraparounds and podaegis might be a choice here). Some people prefer two shouldered carriers and woven wraps for comfort and weight distribution. Wearing older babies on the back helps too.

Do you want to be able to breast-feed with it on? Many carriers enable you to do this, especially stretchy wraparounds and slings.

Is organic and fair-trade manufacture important to you? Look for organic carriers, fair-traded, with baby-friendly dyes. Remember that baby has the carrier against his skin and is likely to suck it at times.

Will you be carrying a baby or toddler whilst you are pregnant? Look for one that can be tied just around the shoulders, such as a woven wraparound for back carries.

Does it provide ergonomic support for the baby? Dr. Evelyn Kirkilionis has the following suggestions: The legs need to be supported at a 90 degree angle or more and straddled around the wearer’s body. She recommends avoiding carriers where the hips hang straight down. For back support, the carrier needs to be snug against the baby’s back and pull the baby close to the parent. Some slings and structured carriers do not have enough back support for younger babies. Head support and stabilisation is important for young babies and older babies when sleeping.


Some carrying tips
• practice first at home in front of a mirror (and keep practicing!)
• make sure the baby is held securely.
• for optimal support for baby and comfort for wearer, high up and firm holds are usually required. This creates optimum weight distribution.
• consider back carries for older and heavier babies.
• ensure baby has the option of protection from over-stimulation, particularly when they are younger (some specialists do not recommend frontward outward facing carries)





Resources

The Babywearer website www.thebabywearer.com - this site has everything you might want to know about carrying babies, from choosing a carrier, to reviews and sellers of hundreds of carriers, to detailed instructions on how to use them, how to make them, and several different forums to join.

For a fuller version of this article, including benefits and advantages of each type of carrier, descriptions of each brand of carrier and where to buy them, as well as a list of relevant websites including sites with research articles and help with tying, visit www.awareparenting.blogspot.com

With thanks to
Suzanne Shahar www.hug-a-bub.com and www.instinctiveparenting.com
Bronwyn Nugent www.babaroo.com
Beate Frome www.childrensneeds.com

This article was first published in Kindred magazine Dec 2006 - Feb 2007
www.kindredmagazine.com.au

Types of slings and carriers

Wraparounds or wraps
A wraparound is a length of fabric tied around the parent and baby in many different ways – on the front, side, and back, with either one- or two- shouldered carries (the latter gives comfort for the adult’s shoulders and back through weight distribution and means they have both hands free). The baby can be positioned in an almost unlimited number of positions with plenty of support for their posture. They can be used to carry newborns to young children. Their use requires some practice, but makes up for it in versatility.

Woven (many tying options; stable for older children with back carries)
Rebozo (a short wrap)
Storchenwiege
Lana
Didymos
Never Fail Back Wrap
Freedom Sling
Hoppediz
EllaRoo Wrap

Stretchy (easy to get baby in and out; mainly used for front carries)
Hug-a-Bub
Moby Wrap

Slings
A sling goes over one shoulder and around the torso of the adult. It is usually tied with a couple of rings that allow the sling to be tightened or loosened and worn by different adults. Baby can be carried on the front, hip or back. Small babies can recline in the sling, whereas older babies and toddlers are often carried sitting upright on the hip. Slings are easy to get on and off and baby can change positions without getting him out. Parents can choose between padded or unpadded; which affects pressure, warmth, adjustability and bulk.

Unpadded
Maya wrap
TaylorMadeSlings
Amaryllis Pocket Sling

Padded
EllaRoo Sling
Comfy Carry
Baba Sling

Pouches
Like a sling but without a tie, ring or clip. The fabric is sewn together into a loop. Can be used for front, hip and back carries. They are usually lightweight and easy to get on and off. Most pouches are not adjustable which means that exact fit is important.

Hotslings
New Native Baby Carrier
Peanut Shell
Kangaroo Korner (adjustable)
The Slingset (multiple pouches)

Asian-style carriers
These are formed of a rectangle of fabric with straps that come from the corners. They are made of either two straps, developed from the Korean-inspired Podaegi, and the more commonly known four-strap carriers, which have developed from a Chinese-inspired Mei Tai, which means ’to carry the beautiful’. They vary in whether they can be worn on the front, hip and back, and whether they have padding on the straps. They are easy to get on and off.
Cwtshi Evo
Kozy Carrier
Ellaroo Mei Tai
Ellaroo Podaegi
GoGoBabyTotes


Structured soft carriers
These generally use clips or Velcro for easy fastening. Some are designed just for the front, others for front and back, others for front, hip and back (thus for different age ranges). Some of them are extremely comfortable, most are easy to get on and off. A few of these types of carriers do not provide adequate support for a baby’s spine and place too much pressure on the baby’s pelvis, because the material under the crotch is too narrow, so the baby’s legs dangle down.

Structured soft carriers which do provide adequate support for spine and pelvis:
ERGO Baby Carrier
Patapum
Wilkinet



Backpack style carriers
These often have a metal frame, with the baby being held slightly away from the adult’s body.


Hip carriers
Ellaroo Mei Tai Hip Carrier
Hippychick Hipseat

Doll slings for children
Storchenweige, Didymos, Maya Wrap, TayorMade slings, New Native Baby Carrier, and Cwtshi.



What to consider when choosing a carrier

The age of your baby -

Newborns to pre-sitting infants – front carries using stretchy and woven wraps, slings, pouches, Asian-style carriers and some soft structured carriers. Back carries are possible too, as long as there is head support.

For 5 or 6 months onwards, back carries and hip carries using woven wraps, soft structured carriers, Asian-style carriers, and slings.

Do you want to choose between lots of different carrying positions? Then a woven wraparound has most choices, followed by an unpadded sling.

Consider the climate you live in - In hot summers, cotton, mesh, linen, and hemp feel cooler. For cold weather, woven wraps made in Europe are usually warmer. Or you may choose a carrier that fits under your coat or even buy a specially designed coat or poncho.

Comfort of baby and wearer - Consider whether you want padding, and whether your shoulders get tense (wraparounds and podaegis might be a choice here). Some people prefer two shouldered carriers and woven wraps for comfort and weight distribution. Wearing older babies on the back helps too.
Do you want to be able to breast-feed with it on? Many carriers enable you to do this, especially stretchy wraparounds and slings.

Is organic and fair-trade manufacture important to you? Look for organic carriers, fair-traded, with baby-friendly dyes. Remember that baby has the carrier against his skin and is likely to suck it at times.

Will you be carrying a baby or toddler whilst you are pregnant? Look for one that can be tied just around the shoulders, such as a woven wraparound for back carries.

Does it provide ergonomic support for the baby? Dr. Evelyn Kirkilionis has the following suggestions: The legs need to be supported at a 90 degree angle or more and straddled around the wearer’s body. She recommends avoiding carriers where the hips hang straight down. For back support, the carrier needs to be snug against the baby’s back and pull the baby close to the parent. Some slings and structured carriers do not have enough back support for younger babies. Head support and stabilisation is important for young babies and older babies when sleeping.


Some carrying tips
• practice first at home in front of a mirror (and keep practicing!)
• make sure the baby is held securely.
• for optimal support for baby and comfort for wearer, high up and firm holds are usually required. This creates optimum weight distribution.
• consider back carries for older and heavier babies.
• ensure baby has the option of protection from over-stimulation, particularly when they are younger (some specialists do not recommend frontward outward facing carries)





Resources

The Babywearer website www.thebabywearer.com - this site has everything you might want to know about carrying babies, from choosing a carrier, to reviews and sellers of hundreds of carriers, to detailed instructions on how to use them, how to make them, and several different forums to join.

For a fuller version of this article, including benefits and advantages of each type of carrier, descriptions of each brand of carrier and where to buy them, as well as a list of relevant websites including sites with research articles and help with tying, visit www.awareparenting.blogspot.com

With thanks to
Suzanne Shahar www.hug-a-bub.com and www.instinctiveparenting.com
Bronwyn Nugent www.babaroo.com
Beate Frome www.childrensneeds.com

This article was first published in Kindred magazine Dec 2006 - Feb 2007
www.kindredmagazine.com.au

Babies - carrying, crying and control patterns from an Aware Parenting perspective

Babies who are carried cry less - This can be seen by comparing cultures where babies are carried almost continuously with those where babies are carried much less. (Barr et.al., 1991, Brazelton et.al. 1969, and Lee, 1994). One study asked one group of mothers to carry their babies an extra two hours a day and another group to provide extra visual stimulation. At six weeks, carrying mothers reported that their babies cried 43% less overall (about 1 hour on average) and 51% less during the period of 4pm to midnight. There was also less crying reported at eight and twelve weeks. (Hunziker and Barr, 1986).

From an Aware Parenting perspective, frequently carried babies cry less because their primary need to be touched and held is met. But in addition, carried babies are protected from over-stimulation. “Over-stimulation occurs when the infant cannot make a meaningful connection between new information and familiar experiences. Most of the information that young babies take in is of this nature because of their limited experiences.” (Solter, 2001, p.45) When stimulation is reduced, so is infant crying. (Lucassen et.al., 1998) When we see things from a small baby’s perspective, we can see how washing machines, telephones, shops, cars, and strangers, can all be over-stimulating. Not only that, but simply getting used to the physical sensations of their body outside of the womb, such as breathing, digesting, the feeling of clothes on their skin, changes of temperature and texture and motion, provides lots of stimulation. “Much of the crying that occurs in the early months may be due to over-stimulation. As a general guideline, the younger the baby, the easier he is to over-stimulate.” (Solter, 2001, p.131). When a baby is carried, particularly in a carrier and where he is facing inwards, the familiarity of the sensations of body closeness and heartbeat protect against over-stimulation. He has the opportunity to protect his skin, ears and eyes from stimulation that is too much by snuggling in closer and beneath some fabric. Compare this with a baby in a stroller, where the impact of over stimulation is intnsified.

Many parenting advocates talk of the benefits of walking, jiggling and rocking a crying baby, or “wearing down” a “fussy baby” to sleep. In many parenting paradigms, all crying is seen as a sign that a baby has an unmet need.

In comparison, the style of attachment parenting called Aware Parenting indicates that crying serves two functions for babies. The first type of crying indicates that the baby has an immediate need that requires fulfilling, and alerts the caretaker to respond to this need immediately. These needs include touch, food, and relief from discomfort (such as changing a wet nappy).

The second type of crying has the function of relieving stress, over-stimulation, tension and trauma. When all of a baby’s immediate needs have been met, and he is still crying, then it is likely that he is crying to release stress. For this to happen, he needs to be held in arms without distraction from the crying. His tears, sweating and vigorous movement effectively release over-stimulation, stress arising from unmet needs, frightening experiences, prenatal stress, birth trauma, and developmental frustration. Given this loving opportunity, he fully cries until he has completed a chunk of healing. After this he will be alert and ready for full connection, or will fall into a restful sleep without requiring anything being done to him. A baby who has released his daily stress in this way falls asleep in the evening simply being close with a loved one. He does not require jiggling, feeding, rocking, or anything else.

Since most parenting techniques do not understand this second function of crying, they advocate many different responses to stop this type of crying. Attachment parenting usually recommends feeding for comfort, or walking and jiggling in a sling. Non-attachment parenting advocates thumb sucking, dummies, and controlled crying. All these things when done regularly become known as control patterns, that is, things that are done to temporarily calm the baby, but which in time become habitual ways to prevent expression of feelings. Babies seem to need these things to happen to them many times a day to stop them from crying. Control patterns have a lasting influence on a baby’s development. Babies given control patterns accumulate more and more tension in their bodies over time, leading to difficulties going to sleep, frequent waking, agitation, whining, and biting. When control patterns associated with the parents’ body (breastfeeding, rocking, movement) are used to get a baby to be calm enough to sleep, they lead to frequent night waking. Specific control patterns lead to specific behaviours. Babies who are jiggled, rocked and walked whenever they need to release stress learn to move whenever they are upset, leading to toddlers who never seem to be able to sit still, and hyperactivity. Children described as “spirited” are often children with lots of stress in their bodies who have learnt to move to avoid crying.

”Movement stimulation is important for babies, but the timing for this is crucial. It is best to save activities such as bouncing, swinging and rocking for times when babies are happy, alert, and ready for stimulation. Do not wait until your baby fusses. Babies do not cry because of a need for these artificial forms of movement. Bouncing and rocking will only distract them from their need to cry.” (Solter, 1998, 70). When a baby is crying or fussing, he is asking either for an immediate need to be met, or to release stress through crying in arms. Some people believe that babies need to be calmed down with movement because they experienced continuous movement whilst in the womb. Yet, a lot of the time the mother was sitting or sleeping and then the baby only experienced small movements of the mother’s breathing and digestion. Simply holding a baby close provides this same level of stimulation. “If babies cry whilst being held closely, it is time for either feeding or respectful listening, not frantic attempts to distract the baby.” (Solter, 1998, p.70). It is commonly noted that hyperactivity is more common in boys than girls. We can postulate why when we learn that parents generally rock and bounce baby boys more than baby girls. (Fagot and Kronsberg, 1982). As Solter (1998) suggests, it is possible that this contributes to later hyperactivity, especially if the rocking was done to stop the baby from crying.

As an Aware Parenting instructor, I have talked to many parents who rocked, jiggled and walked their babies when they were upset, and later felt dismayed at how agitated and hyperactive these little ones became as children. One baby at 12 months old seemed to “need” constant movement all day to stop him crying. Movement had become such a control pattern that the mother had become highly agitated with all the rocking she was doing. This is very different to a baby who has been lovingly held in arms whilst he cries to release stress, and who is calm and alert and happy for the rest of the day.

Each culture and country has its own favoured control patterns. !Kung mothers respond to crying with feeding, movement and singing, regardless of the cause of the crying. (Konner, 1972). Anthropologists have found that in some tribal cultures, children cry lots when the adults force them to walk and refuse to carry them. (Small, 1998) This is possibly be the child catching up on the crying that has been repressed by control patterns in infancy. (Solter, 1991).

With Aware Parenting, parents can meet all of a baby’s needs for closeness by carrying him for much of the day, and also give him the opportunity for healing from stress and trauma by calmly holding him without bouncing, rocking or walking when he needs to cry.

Jiggling and Rocking - an Aware Parenting Perspective

Many parents are advised to walk, jiggle and rock a crying baby, or ‘wear down’ a ‘fussy baby’ to sleep. However, from an Aware Parenting perspective, (where crying serves two functions for babies), there is another way to help an upset baby to feel calmer and go to sleep.

The first type of crying indicates that the baby has an immediate need (such as touch, food or physical comfort), which requires fulfilling; it alerts the parent to respond to this need.

The second type of crying has the function of relieving stress, over-stimulation, and trauma. When all of a baby’s immediate needs have been met, and he is still crying, then it is likely that he is crying to release stress. For this to happen, he needs to be held in arms without distraction from the crying. A baby who has released his daily stress in this way falls asleep simply being physically close to mum or dad. He does not require jiggling, feeding, or rocking. Babies who are jiggled, rocked and walked whenever they need to release stress learn to move whenever they are upset, leading to toddlers who never seem to be able to sit still.

Aletha Solter says, ‘Movement stimulation is important for babies, but the timing for this is crucial. It is best to save activities such as bouncing, swinging and rocking for times when babies are happy, alert, and ready for stimulation. Do not wait until your baby fusses. Babies do not cry because of a need for these … forms of movement. Bouncing and rocking will only distract them from their need to cry.’ When a baby is crying or fussing, he is asking either for an immediate need to be met, or to release stress through crying in arms.

Some people believe that babies need to be calmed down with movement because they experienced continuous movement whilst in the womb. However, for a lot of the time the mother was sitting or sleeping and then the baby only experienced small movements of the mother’s breathing and digestion. Simply holding a baby close provides this same level of stimulation. ‘If babies cry whilst being held closely, it is time for either feeding or respectful listening, not frantic attempts to distract the baby.’

It is commonly noted that hyperactivity is more common in boys than girls. We can postulate why when we learn that parents generally rock and bounce baby boys more than baby girls.

Parents can meet all of a baby’s needs for closeness by carrying him. They can also help him heal from stress by calmly holding him without bouncing, rocking or walking when he needs to cry.

This article was first published in Kindred magazine Dec 2006 - Feb 2007
www.kindredmagazine.com.au

Enjoying the Closeness - The Benefits of carrying babies, and how to do so with ease

Research and anecdotal evidence indicates carrying babies brings many benefits for babies and their families, as well as the wider community. Carrying your baby in the first year and beyond promotes secure attachment for your baby and helps you bond with him more easily. This closeness brings a cascade of other advantages such as ease for parents, healthy emotional development and reduced crying. While carrying your baby as much as possible throughout the day, and as long as possible in the first years is recommended, everyone has their own preferences with baby-carrying. Some people carry their babies everywhere, using a sling, wrap or carrier. Others carry part-time. Regardless of your style, carrying allows for the entire family to be involved in the bonding process. And most of all,it allows mum and dad to be hands-free, still immersed in family life, while baby comes along for the ride.



Benefits for baby

Vital need for closeness and touch is met
Closeness and touch not only stimulates the developing brain, it provides a safe continuum from the womb environment into the big world.
‘It is especially necessary for the parental generation of the human species to fully understand what the immaturity of its infants really signifies: that the infant is still continuing its gestation period…... Among the most important of the newborn infant's needs are the signals it receives through the skin, the first medium of communication with the outside world.’ Montagu (1986)
Aletha Solter, founder of Aware Parenting, also describes how the newborn infant thrives on experiences similar to those in the womb. ‘Postnatal life should ... be considered a direct extension of prenatal life.’ Needs of newborns include warmth, touching and holding, gentle movement, a heartbeat sound, and the mother’s (and/or father’s) voice. These and the other essential needs are met optimally when a baby is carried. . Carrying a baby in a sling or wrap resembles the ‘carrying’ inside the womb (enclosing, comfort, warmth etc.). Meryn Callander, of the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children, stresses the prime importance for babies to experience the ‘rocking and jostling’ that a baby experiences when carried on the caregiver’s body. Maria Blois, author of Babywearing, says, ‘Babywearing allows for the continuation of a womb-like environment, giving the baby a chance for optimal brain and nervous system development.’


Promotes secure attachment
The closeness and responsiveness that comes with carrying a baby means that the baby is more likely to be securely attached. Secure attachment is associated with positive developmental outcomes. These include enhanced emotional flexibility, social functioning and cognitive abilities. Babies found to be securely attached at 12 months have been found to be more confident, independent, socially competent, curious, self-reliant, empathic, with more friends at four to five years of age. Unlike the notion in popular culture that babies who are left alone become independent, research indicates that babies who are carried often become independent at an earlier age. Martha Sears and William Sears, authors of The Baby Book, suggest that the contact that comes with baby carrying means that the parent becomes more aware of the baby’s needs, and the baby becomes able to more clearly tell his parents what he needs.

Leads to healthy emotional development
Being carried on the body of the mother or a close relative, throughout the day for the first year of life, has been shown as highly predictive of the levels of peace or violence in a tribal culture. Dr. James Prescott describes love as a ‘brain gestalt that is formed primarily from sensory stimulation: body movement, body touch, and body smell…… I have concluded that the single most important child rearing practice to be adopted for the development of emotional and social healthy infants and children is to carry the newborn/infant on the body of the mother/caretaker all day long.’
Promotes healthy physical development
Carrying allows a child to develop more physical strength, balance, greater co-ordination, and easier digestion. The baby’s motor skills develop as he uses his muscles to adjust to the movements of the person who carries him. The straddling position of the baby that happens with certain types of carriers helps promote healthy hip development.
Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept, discusses carrying as a way an infant can discharge energy, through the body of the person carrying him. ‘In the infant kept in constant contact with the body of a caretaker, his energy field becomes one with hers and excess energy can be discharged for both of them by her activities alone. The infant can remain relaxed, free of accumulating tension, as his extra energy flows into hers. She compares this to Western babies who are held much less, and how they stiffen, kick, arch, or flex to relieve themselves of an uncomfortable accumulation of energy.


Promotes cognitive development
Since a baby is at voice and eye level, he develops more quickly socially and cognitively.

The baby learns about his culture and is included in it
Rather than being the centre of attention, and apart from the flow of life, carried babies are an integral part of family life, able to experience the fullness of the world within the safe closeness of being in arms.
Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept, describes importance of the in-arms phase because it lays the foundation for all later experience. ‘The baby passively participates in the bearer’s running, walking, laughing, talking, working, and playing. The particular activities, the pace, the inflections of the language…. and the sounds of community life form a basis for the active participation that will begin at six or eight months of age with creeping, crawling, and then walking.’


Babies who are carried cry less
When cultures where babies are carried almost continuously are compared with those where babies are carried much less, less crying is found. Decreased crying happens even when babies are carried for a proportion of the day. One study asked one group of mothers to carry their babies an extra two hours a day and another group to provide extra visual stimulation. At six weeks, carrying mothers reported that their babies cried 43% less overall (about 1 hour on average) and 51% less during the period of 4pm to midnight. There was also less crying reported at eight and twelve weeks.
From an Aware Parenting perspective, frequently carried babies cry less because their primary need to be touched and held is met. In addition, Aware Parenting indicates that carried babies are protected from over-stimulation. Aletha Solter says, ‘Over-stimulation occurs when the infant cannot make a meaningful connection between new information and familiar experiences. Most of the information that young babies take in is of this nature because of their limited experiences.’ When stimulation is reduced, so is infant crying. When we see things from a small baby’s perspective, we can see how washing machines, telephones, shops, cars, and strangers, can all be over-stimulating. Not only that, but simply getting used to the physical sensations of their body outside of the womb provides lots of stimulation. ‘Much of the crying that occurs in the early months may be due to over-stimulation. As a general guideline, the younger the baby, the easier he is to over-stimulate.’ When a baby is carried, (particularly in a carrier and where he is facing inwards), the familiarity of the sensations of body closeness and heartbeat, and the decreased amount of input he receives, protect him from more over-stimulation.



Benefits for parents


Getting on with the other things in life
Instead of choosing between being with the baby or getting on with everyday life, which can lead to isolation and depression for new parents, baby-carrying provides another option. Doing the things you want to do and need to do (shopping, working, cooking, caring for the home, caring for other children, meeting with friends, gardening, dancing, going for a walk, having fun) whilst contributing to your baby’s need for closeness and stimulation is a sure fire way of being a satisfied parent of a contented baby.

Ease
In many situations, carrying a baby in a carrier is much easier, particularly compared to getting heavy strollers out of the boot of the car, in places with lots of steps, and on buses, trains and aeroplanes. Baby carrying also makes breastfeeding easier – it is possible to breastfeed a baby in a carrier whilst caring for an older child or on an outing. Baby can also sleep in the carrier, which means more freedom and flexibility – and not needing to go home when the baby is tired.

Gives more support to the parent’s body
If a parent wants to help their baby be close but does so without a sling or carrier, their arms get sore and not much else gets done! A carrier means extra comfort for the parent’s body. Carrying a baby from birth means our body gets stronger and fitter as the baby grows – no need to go to the gym for weight training!

Helps mum, dad, and other carers bond with the baby
The frequent closeness when carrying a baby helps the adults bond with the baby. This is particularly so when the adult was not securely attached with their own parents. Baby carrying promotes levels of the mothering hormone prolactin. Mothers who use a carrier may feel closer to their babies, which can enhance the ease and joy of breast-feeding. Mothers who work outside the home reconnect with their babies more easily if they carry them when they are at home. Carrying a baby can help dads connect with their babies and feel empowered. The bonding process also happens much more easily with other carers if they too carry the baby.

Helps siblings adjust to a new baby
When a parent carries the baby in a carrier, her arms are free to play with and care for an older sibling. Older siblings can also have their own carriers to carry their dolls, and some older siblings can carry the baby this way too.

Helps in special situations
Baby carrying can have a significantly positive impact with twins, adopted babies, special needs babies, ill babies, premature babies, and special needs parents.



Tips for easier baby-carrying

In our modern nuclear family culture, baby wearing has its challenges. One (or even two) parents carrying a can sometimes be tiring for the muscles. Babies in other, community based cultures, are carried by many different people. Barbara Wishingrad’s pioneering observations show this, ‘I saw the Indian babies in rebozos (slings) all day, but first a little cousin might be wearing the baby, while the mom tended the fire, or did handiwork; and then a young aunt was holding the baby, bringing her to mom when she wanted to nurse: and afterwards the mother helped secure the little one on her aunt's back….. Yes, babies had close and constant human contact, but not exclusively with their mothers.’ Jean Liedloff saw this too, ‘He may then be passed to someone else and feel himself losing contact with one person and coming into the new temperature, texture, smell and sound of another, a bonier one perhaps, or one with the reedy voice of a child or the resonance of a man’s.’ Sarah Blaffer-Hardy’s book Mother Nature describes the Agra foragers of the Phillipines, a hunter-gatherer society where women hunt alongside men and dogs. The mother may leave her infant to be cared for by an older sister, grandmother, or the father. The baby will be passed from caretaker to caretaker about eight times an hour, to as many as 14 different ‘allomothers’ (carers) in a day.

So how can one or two parents carry their baby much of the day and still feel comfortable? One way is to carefully choose a carrier or carriers – researching which ones suit your needs. Having more than one carrier (or a carrier that can be used in different positions) can also improve a parent’s comfort as different muscles and pressure points may be used. Make sure you are using the carrier correctly – often discomfort occurs if the baby is not pulled in close enough to the parent’s body or if she is carried too low down their body. Carrying an older baby on your back can be more comfortable, especially when doing tasks that require bending over or carrying things. Talking to other parents who use baby carriers will help garner information and recommendations. Carrying a baby from early on also helps, since as the baby grows, the carrier’s muscles grow in strength and endurance. Having times of closeness without carrying gives rest for the muscles – such as cuddling up together during a naptime.





Parents can enjoy the closeness and ease that carrying their baby brings. Many of the challenges of baby carrying may be overcome through researching carriers and getting support from others. When parents feel overwhelmed or tired, they can avoid the guilt-trap by reminding themselves that in other cultures, there are many people around to pass a baby to.

When I carry my baby son close to my body I feel the warmth of his skin, his breath rising and falling, and his calm or agitated movements. I love to look upon his little face in sleep, his smiles and his intent gazes at the world. Carrying him brings an intimate knowledge of him that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.




References

Anisfeld E, Casper V, Nozyce M, Cunningham N. (1990) Does infant carrying promote attachment? An experimental study of the effects of increased physical contact on the development of attachment. Child Dev. 1990 Oct;61(5):1617-27.

Blaffer Hardy, S. (2000) Mother Nature – Maternal instincts and the shaping of the species. Vintage, London.

Barr, R. G., Konner, M., Bakeman, R. and Adamson, L. (1991). Crying in !Kung San infants: a test of the cultural specificity hypothesis. Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology, 33, 601-10.

Brazelton, T. B., Robey, J. S., Collier, G. A. (1969). Infant development in the Zintandeco Indians of Southern Mexico. Pediatrics, 44, 274-290.

UA Hunziker and RG Barr (1986) Increased carrying reduces infant crying: a randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, Volume 77, Issue 5, pp. 641-648.

Lee, K. (1994). The crying pattern of Korean infants and related factors. Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology, 36, 601-7.

Blois, M. (1995) Babywearing. The benefits and beauty of this ancient tradition. Pharmasoft Publishing, Texas.

Bonnet, E. (1998) Krankengymnastik 50 Jg. English translation at http://www.didymos.de/english/html/didy.pl?http://www.didymos.de/english/html/bonnet.htm
Callander, Meryn. (2000) Myth: Carriers, Strollers, and Playpens Are a Harmless Means of Carrying and Containing Infants. http://www.thewellspring.com/TWO/8carry.html

Fagot, B.I., and Kronsberg, S.J. (1982) quoted in Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums, what to do when babies and children cry. Shining Star Press, Goleta, California.

Hoppediz website (2006) Worth knowing : _The art of carrying - http://www.hoppediz.de/

Kikilionis, E. (2006) A Baby Wants to be Carried (Currently only available in German: “Ein Baby will getragen sein.”)
http://www.storchenwiege.com/babycarrierresearch.htm

Konner, M.J. (1972) Aspects of the developmental ethology of a foraging people. In N. Blurton ones (Ed.), Ethological Studies of Child Behaviour. Cambridge University Press, Cambridge.

Liedloff, J. (1988) The Continuum Concept. Penguin Books, London. (first published in 1975)

Liedloff, J. (1989) The importance of the In-Arms Phase
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/in-arms.html

Lucassoen, P.L., Assendelft, W.J., Gubbels, J.W., van Ejik, J.T., van Gedrop, W.J., Neven, A.K. (1998) Effectiveness of treatments for infantile colic: systematic review. Institute for Research in Extramural Medicine, Free University, Amsterdam, The Netherlands.

Marni Co Collection. 43 reasons to carry your baby. www.instinctiveparenting.com

Montagu, A. (1986) Touching. HarperCollins.

Nurturing Magazine, 1998. www.nurturing.ca

Sears and Sears (1983) The Baby Book. Everything you need to know about your baby – from birth to age two. Little, Brown and Co., London.

Siegel, D. (2001) “Toward An Interpersonal Neurobiology of the Developing Mind: Attachment Relationships, ‘Mindsight,’ and Neural Integration.” UCLA School of Medicine. Infant Mental Health Journal, Vol. 22(1-2), 67-94 (2001). Michigan Association for Infant Mental Health.

Prescott, J.W. (1996) The Origins of Human Love and Violence
p. 156-157, Spring 1996, Pre- and Peri-natal Psychology Journal
Small, M. (1998) Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way we Parent. Anchor Books, New York.

Solter, A. (1991) The Aware Baby. Shining Star Press. Goleta, California.

Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums. What to do when babies and children cry. Shining Star Press. Goleta, California.

Sroufe, L.A., Fox, N.E., and Pancake, V.R. (1983) Attachment and dependency in developmental perspective. Child Development, 54, 1615-1627.

Wanandi, P (2006) Babywearing: A Dad's Experience
http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/WhatToO/Dads.htm
(with lots of pictures of dads carrying babies, toddlers and children)

Whiting, J. W. M. (1981). Environmental constraints on infant care practices. In R. H. Munroe, R. L. Munroe & B. B. Whiting (Eds.), Handbook of cross-cultural human development. New York, Garland STPM Press.

Wishingrad, B. (1986) Reflections on Constant Carrying
http://www.rebozoway.org/articles/rwpcarry.htm


This article was first published in Kindred magazine, Dec 2006 - Feb 2007
www.kindredmagazine.com.au

Baby Carriers - Cultural History

In cultures around the globe, people have been carrying their babies for centuries. Yet in much of the Western world, it is a reviving art.

The invention of simple baby carrying devices may have played a decisive role in the development of the human species. Blaffer-Hardy (2000) suggests that 50,000 years ago, this “technological revolution” (p.197) allowed mothers to carry food as well as their babies, leading to a new division of labour between men and women. She indicates that this led to better fed mothers, who gave birth after shorter intervals, and an expanding human population moving out of Africa.

Blaffer-Hardy (2000) also indicates the difference between baby carrying in foraging/nomadic peoples and pastoral/horticulturalists. For nomadic mothers, the decision has always been whether it is safe to leave her baby with another carer, and whether she will return in time to feed him. If she takes the baby with her, will she have the strength required to carry baby and enough food to make the outing worthwhile? “For a foraging mother to remain in close enough proximity to nurse could require carrying babies – plus supplies and gathered provender – back-breaking distances.” (Blaffer-Hardy, 2000, p.197). With more settled peoples, there are often many carers for each baby eventhough mother is usually nearby. Whilst women were grinding cereals against a stone, “her baby might be held by an allomother, cradled nearby, or wrapped on to her mother’s back using a sling arrangement.” (Blaffer-Hardy, 2000, p.197).

Climate has of course had a powerful influence on the type of baby carriers that have been used, not only in terms of the thickness of fabric, but the position of the baby. Solter (2006, personal communication), says, “Only in extremely hot climates do mothers suckle their infants frequently, both day and night, sometimes as much as once or more per hour. The major cause of infant mortality in those cultures is dehydration (caused by diarrhea and heat). The mothers in those cultures want to make sure that their infants obtain enough liquids….. In some indigenous cultures, the mothers work in the fields during the day, leaving their infants with other family members, but they nurse their infants frequently during the night. The infants go long stretches without nursing during the day.” Solter (2001) suggests that in colder climates, babies can be breast fed less frequently since they require less fluid. Longer and more spaced out feedings where at least one breast is completely emptied means that more of the hind-milk is obtained, which is higher in fat. The baby can thus go longer until the next feeding. Mothers in these cultures are less likely to keep their babies close to their bodies and have the option of placing them in “cradles or hammocks, and strap them to cradle boards, animals, or sleds for transportation.” (Solter, 2001, p.77)

The modern view of an idyllic past where all a baby’s needs were met may be a mythic one. Grille challenges many of our assumptions about the history of parenting, and suggests that apart from in a few isolated cultures such as the Yequana of Venezuela, the wellbeing of babies and children was placed low in the list of priorities until relatively recently. (Grille, 2005). Blaffer-Hardy (2000) has similar conclusions. Both write of the prevalence of wet nursing, both among wealthy and poor, in Europe and Asia, which can be traced back to pre-Christian times. So baby carrying may not have been common in some cultures for many centuries.

Rock-a-bye baby
The image of the baby swinging in the tree may not just be an imaginary nursery rhyme!
Swaddling was used by the ancient Jews, Greeks and Romans and continued in Europe until the Middle Ages. Swaddling was also practiced in areas of Indigenous American cultures, Eastern Europe, and Japan. It was still seen in England and America until the 18th century and in France and Germany until the 19th Century. (Grille, 2005) Swaddled babies were tied to wooden bards and hung up on hooks where they were left alone for hours. In Sweden, and in pioneering America, babies were also hung from trees whilst the women worked. Swaddled babies protested for a while and then gave up and became still as a result of the trauma. This meant ease for their parents, who could get on with their work. The idea of carrying a baby whilst working had been long-lost in these cultures.


Baby carrying and carriers around the world

Mexico and Guatemala
Short wraparound slings have been used in many cultures. The Mexican or Guatemalan Rebozo is well-known thanks to the work of Barbara Wishingrad and her Rebozo way project. These shawls are used for carrying all sorts of items as well as for clothing and protection from the sun. Rebozos are also used during pregnancy to reposition the baby and during birthing to help support the mother in various positions.

Peru and Bolivia
A Manta or Awayo has been traditionally worn. This is a large rectangle of woven fabric folded in half and tied in a knot at the mother's chest. The baby is carried on the mother's back.

Tahiti
A Pareo is a rectangular piece of printed cloth that is also used as a wraparound skirt.

Ecuador
Woven or sheet cloths are used on the back. Either a rectangular or triangular piece of fabric is used.

Borneo
The Tribes from Borneo such as Kayan and Kenyah traditionally carry their babies in a rattan plaited carrier. These are decorated with multicolored beaded patterns of dragons, leopards and hornbills. Ancient glass beads and amulets of bear-claws or leopard's fangs add to the spiritual protection of the baby carried within.

Indonesia
Pieces of fabric are also tied over one shoulder and are used as baby carriers. These are called selendang slings. They are also worn as a skirt or dress or used to carry things.
Kenya
A rectangular piece of material with a border around it is also used by women and men to carry a baby on the back, as well as to sit on, to carry items on the head, and to protect clothing whilst cooking. In some parts it is called a kanga, in other parts a pagne, and in coastal region a woven style is called a kikoy. Last century, important Swahili sayings started to be printed on each kanga. Two identical pieces of fabric (called a doti) are usually bought together. An identical pair is sometimes split between best friends. A baby can be tied on using one or two kangas.

Mozambique
A Capulana is used, which is a printed piece of cloth used for baby carrying as well as carrying other things or as a piece of clothing. For carrying babies it is tied over a shoulder and knotted between the breasts (like a sling). The baby sits on the back.

South Africa
A piece of cloth is again used. Babies are tied onto the back with the cloth tied on top of the breasts, but straight around the back rather than over the shoulder.

Papua New Guinea
Ipili people use a net bag called a bilum to carry their babies. They are carried with the strap around the forehead of the mother and the baby in the bag carried on the front or back. A bilum is a bag available in many sizes and used for carrying many different things. The bag is lined with soft leaves or pieces of cloth to make it more comfortable for the baby.

Bali
Bainese babies do not touch the ground for the first three months, but are passed from person to person. After this time a special ceremony is held and babies are then welcome to play on the ground.

Egypt
Egyptian women who picked cotton in the fields would make slings out of dress fabric. The patterns were colourful and bright, and the slings were wide in the middle and narrower at the ends. The women carried their babies on their backs in this way.

Asian carriers
In South West China, Thailand, Laos, and Vietnam, Mei Tais are worn, with either a double or single strap, as are Hmong style carriers which are usually beautifully hand- embroidered. The mei tai originated from China and has probably been around for centuries. They were used by peasant women whilst working in the fields.

Laos, Myanmar, and parts of China, Vietnam and Tibet
A "Hmong"-style carrier is used, a squre of fabric similar to a podaegi but narrower. The baby is worn in front or on the back. In these cultures there have generally been plenty of extended family so babies are often passed from one set of arms to another. As people move to cities and move away from more traditional ways, carriers are used far less and more Western ways such as strollers are adopted.
Japan
Onbuhimos were used, which are a wrap style carrier made from gauze, cotton, or wool, similar to a Mei Tai but with a narrower body style.
Korea
The Podaegi is used which is a kind of blanket tied around the wearer’s chest rather than over the shoulders.

India
In areas where the caste system still applies, some of the lower caste peoples carry their children by tying them into the shawl part of their saris. Apparently, higher caste peoples believe that it is only the lower caste carry babies.

Tibet, Nepal, Indian Himalayas
Wraparound carriers are often used, generally of a single colour; fuschia coloured ones seem popular in Lhasa. The fabrics used range in thickness from very thin to very thick.

Russia
A short piece of cloth like a rebozo would traditionally be used.

Europe
In Europe, recorded history has often focussed on the upper classes, where the art of baby carrying was lost earlier than in the rural areas and lower classes. Thus, information is not readily available on the history of baby carrying. At the Didymos website, pictures showing baby carrying give us some idea of what happened, for example a Rembrandt picture illustrates a woman a child tied to her back. These pictures indicate that in the Middle Ages in Europe, it may have been common for babies to be worn on their mothers’ backs.

During the 19th Century in Europe poor and uneducated people carried their children and were physically close with them, whereas the upper classes created a distance between adult and child, with the widespread view of not spoiling them.

Wales
In Wales, long pieces of fabric and shawls were used to carry babies, which continued until around the 1950’s.

Highland Scotland
Scottish women are also rumoured to have used their plaid to carry their babies.

Dalarna, a northern province in Sweden held onto traditions longer than any other part of Sweden. Interestingly, women in this culture had voting rights, ownership rights and kept their last names in marriage. They also carried their children in a "bog" or “boeg” – which has been carried on into the English word, "bag". It was made of leather and shaped into a rounded bag with edges and straps that were cut into traditional patterns. The baby would be wrapped in something warm, then placed in the bog.

In some Scandinavian cultures, cradleboards were also used.

In Germany, a traditional cloak or coat was worn, in which there was a piece of cloth to wrap the baby on the hip.

England
In Victorian England, upper class households would employ a rocking nurse, who would carry the baby in her arms on walks and rock them when crying. Rocking cradles were used by women working in houses.

The history of prams – from England to Europe
In 1884 Heinrich Ploss stated, " only since about one decade a vehicle for taking out a child arrived from England on the continent…. The British called this vehicle "Perambulator". In London they were in use so frequently on the pavement, overcrowded by pedestrians, that they were immensely opposed. But nothing at all could disturb their introduction." Wealthy upper class families already had their children raised by nannies. The perambulator was popularized by Queen Victoria. Roads and pavements were quickly built in the towns of Europe, which meant that the popularity of perambulators grew more quickly there than in the country.

Native American and Canadian /First Nation Cultures
The Inuit women used a parka called an amauti to carry babies and toddlers. The baby sits in the back of the parka, and the large hood can be used when needed, going over both of their heads, but still enabling to child to see over the mother’s shoulder.

Cradle boards were used by many Native American and Canadian cultures. Babies from birth onwards were wrapped up and then put into the cradle board which was then strapped to the wearer’s back, like a backpack. Navajo peoples used cradle boards. Cradle boards were also hung from the pommel of a saddle when travelling.

Between about 1870 and 1920, cradle boards were made by traditional peoples who were prohibited from practicing their own cultural ways. The cradles gradually went out of use after the 1950’s, to be replaced by strollers and playpens.

Not all indigenous North American peoples used cradleboards to carry their babies. Long pieces of woven cloth were also used by many peoples for back carries.

Australian Aborigines
When a baby is very small it may lie in a curved wooden dish that the mother holds at her side or lays in the shade of some scrub while she hunts and gathers. During a corroborree it is common that a child is balanced on his mother’s shoulders, fingers clinging to her hair, sleeping as her mother dances. (Lawlor, 1991) However, many kin care for each child, particularly the grandparents. In the early months, many kin women care for and breast-feed a baby, yet the baby still spends most of the time with his mother.

Recent American history
The first structured baby carrier appears to have been developed in 1969 by a woman called Ann Moore, who called her carrier a Snugli. She had seen African women carrying their babies and made the Snugli, which seems to be most like a podaegi. The two ringed sling was developed by Rayner Gardner in Hawaii in 1981. He and his wife started with a tied scarf but soon developed the ring sling made of two wooden curtain rings. His wife Sachi says, “Rayner’s two ringed tailored sling is, in essence, a bridge between the indigenous cloth sling and the highly constructed baby carriers of modern society.” (in Blois, 2005, p.33)

Carrying baby close was greatly popularized in the United States by William and Martha Sears. In 1985, after the birth of their 6th child, they began to carry him everywhere using tied up baby sheets. Then they used Garner’s sling, and later bought the design rights. William sears made the slings and called them The Original Baby Sling. The Sears coined the (now trademarked) term “babywearing”. Barbara Wishingrad recalls returning to the US in 1989 for a visit. She says, “That year, Mothering magazine published articles on babywearing by Dr. William Sears and also by Jean Liedloff, and The Continuum Concept came back into the bookstores. I also noticed an emergence of advertising for sling-type baby carriers, as opposed to the upright front pack carriers. This coincided with my work on an instructional rebozo brochure.” (Wishingrad, 1986) Babywearing was taken up by many who embraced attachment parenting.

Recent European history
Long woven wraps have become increasingly popular in Europe, particularly in Germany. Nowadays, in Germany the long wraps are used most often for the first five or six months. Some maternity hospitals even present new mothers with a long woven wrap. In Europe, many people use both strollers and wraparounds.

Around the world, carrying a baby is often still associated with low social and economic status. As a culture becomes more Westernised, carrying a baby becomes less common and is replaced by carrying in objects such as strollers, baby swings and baby seats. However, with the resurgence of interest in baby carrying that is occurring in many Western countries, carriers from more traditional cultures are being adopted and developed. I hope that this process continues to gather momentum, benefiting babies, their families, and their cultures.




References
Books

Blaffer Hardy, S. (2000) Mother Nature – Maternal instincts and the shaping of the species. Vintage, London.

Blois, M. (2005) Babywearing – the benefits and beauty of this ancient tradition. Pharmasoft Publishing, Texas.

Grille, R. (2005) Parenting for a Peaceful World. Longueville, Australia.

Lawlor, R. (1991) Voices of the First Day. Awakening in the aboriginal dreamtime. Inner Traditions International Ltd., Vermont.

Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby. Shining Star Press, California.


Websites

The Rebozo (Using a rebozo in pregnancy and birthing)
http://www.birthingnaturally.net/cn/tool/rebozo.html

Wishingrad, B. (1986) Reflections on Constant Carrying
http://www.rebozoway.org/articles/rwpcarry.htm

Wishingrad, B. The Rebozo Way project http://www.rebozoway.org

Selendang baby slings http://store.peppermint.com/selendang-baby-sling.html

Kanga Baby carrier wearing instructions http://www.peppermint.com/kikoyInst.htm
The history of the kanga http://www.glcom.com/hassan/kanga_history.html

Borneo carrier picture
http://www.geocities.com/huilee191/woodbabycarriergallery.ht

Vietnamese Hmong carrier
http://www.tribaltextiles.info/Galleries/Black_Hmong_BC.htm
Photos of mei tai style carriers and pictures of Tibetans carrying babies
http://www.attachedtobaby.com/photos/amala

The Welsh Carry http://www.peppermint.com/welsh-carry.htm

Dalarna (Sweden) history http://www.peppermint.com/resources.htm

The Inuit Amauti
http://www.allision.com/personal/lw/arctic/amauti.html

Baby on Board - An exhibit of Kiowa and Comanche baby carriers by Chad Galts http://brownalumnimagazine.com/storydetail.cfm?ID=271

European history of carrying
http://www.didymos.de/english/html/didy.pl?http://www.didymos.de/english/html/bonnet.htmhistor

Heinrich Ploss (1884) at http://www.didymos.de/english/html/didy.pl?http://www.didymos.de/english/html/bonnet.htmhistor

With many thanks to the forum users at www.carryingaway.com for ideas and information as well as Beate at www.childrensneeds.com and the web sites at www.peppermint.com (where lots of information on different cultures is available), and www.attachedtobaby

Help a baby sleep

Help a baby sleep –
The Aware Parenting approach

By Marion Badenoch Rose, PhD

“I want to meet all my baby’s attachment needs and yet I am desperate to sleep more than two hours in a row…. Can my nine-month-old really be hungry every hour through the day and night?” A tired mum asks. This type of question arises frequently in my Aware Parenting practice. The article explains why some babies wake up frequently and seem to need feeding many times through the night.

Aware Parenting is a type of attachment parenting which carries the usual recommendations; closeness day and night through baby carrying and co-sleeping, breast-feeding when baby is hungry, and sensitive care to all of a baby’s needs. Differences between Aware Parenting and other attachment parenting styles leads to dissimilar perceptions of some baby behaviours, (including sleep and waking) and leads to different responses.

Babies are acutely affected by daily stress, over-stimulation, and trauma. All babies experience some stress and over-stimulation, even with the most attentive attachment parenting. Babies are also born with an inbuilt ability to heal from these, with the loving support of their parents.

Aware Parenting distinguishes between two reasons for a baby’s crying. The first is to communicate an immediate need, and the most optimal response is to meet that need, whether it be for holding, food, protection from over-stimulation, and so on. The second reason is to heal from stress or trauma through crying in the loving arms of his parents. Here the most optimal response is to check that all his immediate needs have been met, and then to calmly hold the baby whilst he cries. As he does so, his tears and sweating release the stress hormones in his body, and his movements let go of physical tension. For example, a baby releasing some birth trauma might arch his back as he dissolves the tension accumulated whilst moving down the birth canal.

Newborns are particularly vulnerable to over-stimulation, as they experience many new things every day – not only visual stimulation from new people, places, lights and shops, but noises from telephones, washing machines, and cars. Babies are also highly sensitive to the emotional states of their caregivers and siblings. They accumulate tension from prenatal stress, birth complications, early separations, family stresses, holidays, house-moving, frightening events, loud noises, physical discomfort, and before developmental milestones such as learning to crawl. The amount of crying a baby needs to do depends on the amount of stress he has experienced as well as his level of sensitivity. So we can do all we can to protect him from stresses by aiming for a relaxed pregnancy, calm birth, early bonding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, a baby-moon in a quiet home, carrying him in a sling when we are in a stimulating environment, and avoiding holidays and house-moving for the first several months. This will reduce the amount of healing he needs to do.

Most other parenting approaches state that our job as parents is to stop all crying, and do not acknowledge babies’ needs for emotional release. When a baby is crying to heal and we as parents repeatedly do something other than just hold our baby and be present as he cries, the baby soon learns that crying is unacceptable. He will learn to do things to stop himself from crying, which are called control patterns, and these control patterns are usually in place by six months of age.

If a parent thinks that the baby is hungry, or values comfort feeding, the baby will soon learn to ask for food when he is upset. He will seem to need feeding many times throughout the day and night, with the amount of feedings increasing with age. Other parents will respond to a crying baby with movement, by rocking, jiggling, walking, or driving in a car. These babies will learn to move when they are upset, will rarely be still, and as toddlers and children may often move and be hyperactive. If parents think the baby needs to play, and wave toys in front of him, he will soon learn to ask to be entertained whenever he is upset. Other babies will find their own control patterns – such as sucking their thumb, or clinging to a soft toy or blanket. These may develop into nail biting or other nervous activities as the child grows. A baby given a dummy will suck on it whenever he is upset, and as a child may put things in his mouth to stop the feelings coming out. These control patterns continue into adulthood, although they often change form. As adults we may do many things to stop ourselves feeling; through eating, drinking, smoking, moving, watching television or surfing the Net, and tensing our muscles in repeated patterns.

What does all this have to do with babies sleeping, you may ask! A baby who does not have the opportunity to release daily stress and over-stimulation will accumulate tension in his body. The amount of tension will increase steadily over time. A baby who feels agitated in this way will not be able to sleep unless he is given the opportunity to cry in arms, or given a control pattern to help him temporarily feel calm enough to sleep. Since babies’ sleep is cyclical, he will soon enter a more light sleep. If he was given a control pattern to go to sleep, the tension in his body will wake him up so that he can cry to heal. Whatever control pattern the parents use to get their baby to sleep, they will usually repeat each time he wakes up. As he gets older, he will accumulate more and more tension, which means that going to sleep will become more and more difficult, and he will wake up more frequently, seeming to need whatever was done to get him to sleep in the first place.

Sandra, a second-time mother, always fed her baby to sleep. For the first several months, this seemed to work. However, once her baby was six months old, he was waking five times at night. By the time he was a year old, Robert was waking as many as ten times a night. Each time she would feed him back to sleep. Although co-sleeping, Sandra was feeling exhausted and very stressed during the day caring for her two children. Robert never really seemed happy – when he was not feeding he was agitated and “whiny”, and when he was feeding (which he did many times in the day), he seemed spaced out. Sandra rarely felt connected with him, and he hardly ever made eye contact. Searching for answers, she came across Aware Parenting, which resonated with her. She began to distinguish between his need for food and his need to release. At first she felt overwhelmed, as he had a year of crying to catch up on. As he continued to cry in her arms, he began to sleep through the night, be much happier, calm and alert during the day, and the intimacy between them re-emerged. Now Sandra has a third baby and has been happy for him to cry in her arms each evening. “I just wish I knew this with Robert – the new baby sleeps so soundly and is so calm and happy. It has made such a difference for me too, I feel an inner peace knowing that me being there with him as he cries is giving him unconditional love for all of his feelings.”

How does this help us understand other sleep issues? Parents who practice controlled crying often say that their baby sleeps through the night. A baby left to cry alone soon learns that there is no point in crying (babies in orphanages rarely cry) – A baby cannot heal when left alone to cry but feels terrified, losing trust that there is anyone there for him. As he repeatedly wakes in the night, he finds his own control pattern, which may be clutching on to a soft toy or an edge of blanket, or sucking his thumb. As an older child he may develop a fear of the dark, night terrors, or will resist going to bed. Aware Parenting advocates never leaving a baby alone to cry. In addition, all babies need closeness to fall asleep, and this continues for the first several years.

To practice Aware Parenting we first need to distinguish between a baby’s needs. More details can be found in “The Aware Baby” and on my blogspot, www.awareparenting.blogspot.com. In brief, hunger sensations arrive gradually and are indicated by squirming and grunting, only becoming cries if these first cues are not noticed. A sudden full-blown cry is unlikely to be hunger. A hungry baby will generally latch on easily and concentrate on sucking. If he comes on and off, and is agitated, and the milk supply is coming, he may need to cry. If he has a full feed on both breasts and begins to cry soon after finishing, he may have some crying in arms to do. If, through the day, a parent responds to her baby’s cues, her baby will cry when he needs to release stress, feed when he is hungry, play when he needs to learn, and sleep when he feels tired.

Babies often release stress in the late afternoon or early evening, which is when the stimulation has built up, and the tiredness means that they cannot hold in their feelings so easily. A baby who is simply tired and has released all the stress he needs to will simply show signs of tiredness such as yawning, rubbing his eyes, or cuddling up, and will go to sleep in arms or lying down next to mum or dad. He doesn’t need anything except closeness to get to sleep. A fussy or whiny or agitated baby is telling us he has some tension to release. Parents who talk of their baby “fighting” sleep are really describing a baby whose tension is making it hard for him to sleep. A baby whose cues are responded to accurately remains connected with his needs, he knows when he is tired and when he is hungry and when he is upset. A baby fed to sleep or jiggled when he is upset will begin to lose the ability to trust what his body and feelings tell him.

We can all be heartened to know that babies can catch up on their crying. If control patterns are already in place, parents can still help their babies heal later on. Children still continue to release stress, and can also catch up on any crying they were prevented from doing as a baby. Children also have tantrums to help release tension. So if an older child does not sleep, or wakes up frequently, or very early, a cry before bedtime will also help him feel calmer. Most behaviour that parents don’t enjoy, such as unwillingness to cooperate, biting, hitting, shouting, and swearing, indicate that a child has some healing to do. So when a three year old is not happy with the food you cooked, the pudding you offered, and the choice of pyjamas, a parent can respond not with more fixing or with anger, but with loving closeness and a “no” to more requests, which is usually enough to help the tears flow. A conflict between siblings before bed can be welcomed as it helps them cry away the hurts of the day with our warm support. We can adopt a position that is neither permissive nor authoritarian, by noticing when our child is upset and helping him express his feelings.

Babies who are given plenty of support to cry when they need to release stress sleep easily and calmly. They are also aware, enjoy closeness as well as time to play alone, and are happy and contented. As toddlers they are able to concentrate and be gentle with other children, pets and their parents. As children they love to learn and cooperate, enjoy intimacy with parents and friends, and are a joy to be with. The whole family is given the gift of restful sleep and harmonious connection.

Marion Badenoch Rose lives with her husband and four year old daughter in Northern New South Wales, and has a new baby coming soon. She has been studying infant and child development for the past 18 years. This includes a degree in psychology and a Ph.D. on the mother-infant relationship from Cambridge University. She has diplomas in Psychosynthesis counselling and psychotherapy, and has worked in Universities in England as Research Fellow in infant development, and Lecturer. She is a certified Aware Parenting instructor. She offers consultations (by phone and in person), courses and workshops for parents and parents-to-be. Her dream is for all parents to welcome the healing crying, raging and laughter of babies and children. She can be contacted at awareparenting@iinet.net.au

References
Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby (revised edition). Shining Star Press
Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums. What to Do When Babies and Children Cry. Shining Star Press
Solter, A. (1989) Helping Young Children Flourish (Two to eight years of age). Shining Star Press


For more information about emotional release in babies and children,
See Aletha Solter’s website at www.Awareparenting.com

First published in “Nurture”, Natural Parenting Melbourne, Winter 2006

Aware Parenting course

Aware Parenting Course

Prepare to be the parent you dream of.

Seven-week course for pregnant women and partners.

Weekly sessions of two hours each will give you practical teaching, exercises, guided meditations, journal writing, and handouts.

The course will help you:
• Understand what babies need for secure attachment
• Know how to read your baby’s cues and emotions
• Avoid sleepless nights without resorting to controlled crying
• Support your baby to heal from over-stimulation and stress
• Prevent childhood problems such as agitation, hitting, biting, uncooperativeness, and fears
• Form a deep connection with your baby that continues through childhood and adolescence

Course outline:
Week 1 –Bonding in pregnancy and after birth – understand what newborns need
Week 2 – Crying – how babies communicate and heal
Week 3 – Feeding – trust your baby’s cues
Week 4 – Sleeping – promote easy and restful sleep
Week 5 – Playing – distinguish between over-stimulation and a need for more stimulation
Week 6 – Democratic discipline – encourage cooperation without punishments or rewards
Week 7 – Attachment – clarity about what it is and how it develops

The course is led by Marion Badenoch Rose BSc PhD DipCouns DipPsych GSPP
Certified Aware Parenting Instructor.

I have 18 years of experience studying the needs of babies and love to support parents interested in Aware Parenting. I have a four-year-old daughter and a new baby on the way. Aware Parenting is a form of attachment parenting that includes up to date knowledge of the emotional needs of babies and children, and how they can heal from over-stimulation and stress as they grow. Babies parented this way become peaceful, aware, securely attached children who are a joy to be with.

The course is held in Mullumbimby, Northern NSW, and costs $150 for individuals and $180 for couples.

For more information about Aware Parenting, visit www.Awareparenting.com

For more information about the course and for bookings, contact Marion at Awareparenting@iinet.net.au or on 02 66842565

Next course begins: 22nd April.

Understanding Children's Feelings

Understanding Children's Feelings
by Marion Badenoch Rose, Ph.D


You walk into your local supermarket. You look down the lolly aisle, to see a tiny toddler on the floor, kicking and screaming. Is he misbehaving or manipulating, playing up or throwing a tantrum, or is this a case of the terrible twos? These phrases, so often heard, seem to invite either a stern “take control” response, or a passive “grin and bear it” approach. They come from paradigms that suggest we ignore or punish a crying child or perhaps distract and pacify him. What we now know is that children treated in these ways grow up confused about their feelings and vague about their needs.

But thanks to dedicated researchers like Aletha Solter, founder of The Aware Parenting Institute, a different understanding of children’s feelings presents us with new options in response to tears and tantrums.

Imagine a world where children’s feelings were welcomed as expressions of their needs. What if we supported them to express the whole range of their feelings, from joy to anguish? What if a child’s natural capacity to heal from stress and hurt was encouraged? As they cried, raged and laughed in our arms, they would grow into adults at home in their bodies and intimate with themselves and others.


Behaviours that indicate a need for emotional release
Behaviours seen as “normal” in a young child, such as biting, hitting, “incessant” talking, and “constant” movement, actually indicate that the child harbours unexpressed feelings. Her underlying discomfort can be observed in the following behaviours:

the child -
* sucks her thumb or dummy;
* frequently clutches a soft toy or special blanket;
* eats or drinks for comfort rather than hunger or thirst;
* has difficulty going to sleep even when she is tired;
* wakes up frequently at night;
* bites, hits or kicks other children, her parents, or pets;
* seems unable to sit still, is “hyperactive,” or has a short attention span;
* frequently falls over or bumps into things;
* seems “whiny”, or agitated;
* says “no” to the majority of the parent’s requests;
* repeatedly does things she knows her parents do not enjoy;
* cries or flails her arms or legs when she is touched or gently cuddled;
* has a “tantrum” (which is emotional release in action).

How can we respond?
If you observe the above behaviours, you can contribute to your child’s wellbeing in the following ways:

* Come close and ask, “Are you feeling ..... because you are needing .....?” Continue in this way and your child’s needs for empathy will be met.

* She may need more support to release an accumulation of feelings. Make eye contact and gently touch or hold her, and ask, “Do you want to have a cry?”

* Stronger feelings may require sensitive holding to provide emotional and physical safety. Ask, “Would you like me to hold you now?” It is important to hold your child only when you are feeling calm and when you generally provide sensitive attunement to your child’s needs. The younger the child, the more she needs to be held when she is upset.

* If your child is about to hurt you or another child, then first hold her to prevent the action, and then continue aware holding to allow her to safely cry and rage. Explain to her, “I need safety for you and Jemima, so I’m going to hold you and help you let your feelings out.”

* If your child is having a tantrum, stay close, offer empathy, and make sure she doesn’t hurt herself or others. You might choose to hold her to provide extra containment whilst she continues raging.

* Feelings of fear can be released through laughter. Role plays about the feared situation can provide the balance of fear and safety to allow healing laughter to be expressed.

* Frustration about unmet needs for autonomy can be expressed through power reversal games, involving laughter and silliness. For example, the child runs after the parent, who mock screams, “Help, don’t chase me.”

After letting out her feelings, your child will appear relieved, calm, and present. If you are able to be with her most hurt feelings, your child’s needs for acceptance will be met, and intimacy and trust between the two of you will profoundly deepen.


Instead of Empathy......
Many people believe that we help our child by getting rid of his hurt feelings quickly, by saying, “It’s okay,” “Don’t worry,” “Never mind,” or, “It doesn’t matter.” When we confuse reassurance with empathy, we invalidate our child’s emotions. He may then become an adult who ignores his inner barometer and who brushes away the feelings of those close to him.

Parents also respond in more extreme ways to their children’s feelings by:
ignoring - “I’ll leave you here if you keep being naughty”;
punishing - “I’ll make you really cry if you don’t shut up”;
belittling - “Stop crying now”;
contradicting - “You don’t need me to pick you up, go and play”;
or ridiculing - “Cry baby.”
Children then learn to fear emotions and grow up weighed down with self-judgments.

The extent to which we are empathised with as children has a profound effect on us as adults. A child has such a strong need for love and empathy from his parents that his psyche will bury unaccepted feelings. This leads to later symptoms, including low self-esteem, addictions, and depression.

Empathy and its effects
Empathy involves being truly present with another. Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication provides one way of offering empathy. When we sense that our child is feeling something, we can ask, “Are you feeling ..........., because you are needing .........?” for example, “Are you feeling disappointed because you really want to play?”

Simply being present and empathising with an upset child allows her to know and trust herself. The child receives unconditional love as all her feelings are validated, leading to a deep sense of self-acceptance. Intimacy between parent and child is free to flourish.

Healing from hurts through crying and raging
Feelings that do not get expressed and empathised with in the moment get stored in the body as tension. The tension protects a child from emotional pain, but also restricts her ability to feel love and joy.

When a child has held in feelings she may need other types of support as well as empathy to express them. Helping her cry and rage allows her body to get rid of muscular tension and stored stress hormones. These natural stress-release mechanisms have been thoroughly researched and described by Aletha Solter, Ph.D., in her three books, “The Aware Baby”, “Tears and Tantrums”, and “Helping Young Children Flourish”.

Intimacy and protection from painful feelings
When we get close to a child who is protecting himself from his feelings, the intimacy connects him to his pain. John Breeding suggests, “Keep reaching for closeness. This is especially crucial for boys .. [who] ... push you away and isolate in their distress. Let them push and show their hurts, but don’t ever believe that they really don’t want to be close. They do, desperately! Keep reaching in.” If we only hear our child’s “go away”, (because of course we want to respect his need for autonomy), then his needs for intimacy and healing from hurts may not get met.

Want more cooperation?
I believe that the desire to contribute is very strong in all people, including children. Nonviolent Communication shows that a child is more likely to contribute when he is requested to do something rather than is demanded of, and when he is sure that his needs are considered important. However, contribution is also less likely when he has past hurts or stresses which have not been empathised with and released. This is because the accumulated tension feels uncomfortable and his need for release becomes the most prominent one. He wants to contribute, but not as much as he needs to feel comfortable inside his own skin.

When do children need to cry or rage?
Children need to release stress and hurt feelings after:
a stimulating day, conflicts with other children or family members, separations, divorce, remarriage, moving to a new home or school, the birth of a sibling, and seeing frightening events on television or in real life. The younger the child, the more that stimulation affects him, and the more he needs to express his feelings through crying, raging or laughing.

Encouraging expression of hurt feelings allows reconnection after separations and conflicts. The symptoms of disturbed attachment - excessive clinging, whining, aggressiveness, or resisting closeness, indicates a need for release. Secure attachment can be regained through encouraging and accepting a child’s upset feelings whilst holding him lovingly.

Often a child will whine or complain about a small thing, and we may repeatedly try to fix matters for him, or grow frustrated. Actually, this little thing is the last straw, and the child may even ‘create’ a last straw by asking for something we will not give him. The child is trying to reach a point where he can express his stored up feelings. Instead of giving in or punishing, we can encourage him to cry and rage, leading to peace and calm for both parent and child.

Holding a crying or raging child
If I hold my daughter whilst she cries it is really important to me that my intention is only to contribute to her wellbeing. I aim to stay present in my body, and to sensitively connect with hers. If I feel frustrated or angry, I do not hold her. It is important that holding happens in a context where the child’s needs for trust, autonomy and empathy are met on a daily basis, and where she is given frequent opportunities for expressing her feelings about power imbalances.

I received this email recently, which demonstrates how holding provides the safety for expressing strong feelings. I wanted to share an amazing experience I had with my two year old last night. She had been grumpy all day but had not cried. In the evening she demanded to have some chocolate pudding before dinner. When I said no she threw herself into a frenzy. She lay down on the floor kicking and screaming as loud as she could (which is very loud!). I asked if she wanted me to hold her and got no response so I just watched until I had an idea to hold her in the sling. I used to wear her in the sling constantly when she was a baby. She fought against it and struggled to escape. After a few minutes I let her out to check the oven. I didn't want her to get burned so I put her on the floor. She continued to scream and kick until I asked if she'd like me to hold her again. She lifted her arms and when I picked her up, she opened the sling and climbed back in all by herself! When I had her snuggly adjusted again, she resumed struggling and screaming. After about ten minutes in the sling she stopped crying and said "I want to go play." I put her down and within seconds she was laughing and playing with her sister and remained in a fabulous mood the rest of the evening......

Seeing the difference that crying makes
Some parents choose to have a daily time for release, others wait until the “big explosion” comes along. I prefer to support my nearly three year old daughter to vent her feelings daily, often in the evening before she goes to sleep. When she doesn’t have a cry for three or four days, she starts showing that she has unexpressed feelings. She takes a long time to go to sleep even when she is tired, and moves a lot during the night. During the day she seems agitated, gets easily frustrated, and avoids being close. On the other hand, when she has a cry every day or two, she easily goes to sleep lying beside me when she is tired, is relaxed throughout the night, and happy and alert during the day. She concentrates for long periods and enjoys cuddles and closeness. Time and again the differences reassure me that crying in my arms contributes significantly to her daily wellbeing.

Emotional healing for parents too
I think that the true nature of adults and children alike, is loving, aware, peaceful, intimate and generous. Hurt feelings hide these qualities in our children and ourselves. We can help our children reconnect to their essential nature through supporting their natural healing ability, and similarity we can we help ourselves.

When we do not respond to our children in loving, aware, gentle ways, it is because we need empathy and support to express our own upset feelings. It is inevitable that our old hurts are stimulated by the daily stresses of parenting, and by being with our children as they cry and rage. Having our own needs met enables us to respond more lovingly to our children. Regular empathic support to safely share our feelings may come from a friend, therapist, or Aware Parenting group.

The more we embrace in ourselves, the more we can accept in our children. Learning to empathise with our own feelings is a life-saver when there is no other adult around. Nonviolent Communication is very helpful for learning the process of self-empathy.

Aware Parenting may not always be easy, but it is certainly fulfilling. Releasing our own feelings in supportive relationships gives us more resources to be present and loving with our children whatever their behaviour and however strong their feelings. Seeing the differences in our children, knowing that we are contributing to their emotional lives, and enjoying more intimacy with them, makes it all worthwhile.

Marion Badenoch Rose lives with her four year old daughter, husband and two dogs in Northern New South Wales. She has been studying infant and child development for the past 18 years. This includes a degree in psychology and a Ph.D. on the mother-infant relationship from Cambridge University. She has diplomas in Psychosynthesis counselling and psychotherapy, and has worked in Universities in England as Research Fellow in infant development, and Lecturer. She is a certified Aware Parenting instructor. She offers consultations (by phone and in person), courses and workshops for parents. Her dream is for all parents to welcome the healing crying, raging and laughter of babies and children. She can be contacted at awareparenting@iinet.net.au

For more information about emotional release in babies and children,
See Aletha Solter’s website at www.Awareparenting.com
and Patty Wipfler’s at www.parentleadershipinstitute.com
and John Breeding’s at www.wildestcolts.com

If you are interested in learning NVC,
Check out the website of the Centre for Nonviolent Communication at www.CNVC.org and www.NonviolentCommunication.com and nvcaustralia.com, where you can find out about learning and training in NVC, web support groups, and purchasing books, videos, and audiotapes.


References
Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby (revised edition)
Shining Star Press ISBN 0-9613073-7-4

Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-6-6

Solter, A. (1989) Helping Young Children Flourish (Two to eight years of age)
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-1-5

Marshall Rosenberg, (2003) Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life,
2nd edn., PuddleDancer Press. (available from CNVC.org)


This article was first published in byron child magazine www.byronchild.com in 2005

Reading the cues - How to respond to baby's cries

Reading the Cues - How to Respond to Baby's Cries.
by Marion Badenoch Rose, Ph.D.

Parenting with empathy is a recent phenomenon. Psychohistorian Lloyd deMause traced the evolution of parenting from antiquity through to the late twentieth century, and found that only in the middle of the twentieth century did parents start to empathise with their children. (1) However, it was not until the late 1970’s that a developmental psychologist, Aletha Solter, Ph.D., found that babies could heal from stress and trauma through crying whilst being given aware attention in loving arms. Dr. Solter’s approach is based on the understanding that there are two different reasons for a baby’s crying - crying to communicate an immediate need such as closeness, food, stimulation etc., and crying to heal from past stress or trauma. This article elucidates the difference between crying to indicate an immediate need and crying to heal.

Dr. Solter says, “Many people are baffled by infant crying because they assume that crying is always caused by an immediate need or discomfort.“ (2)

According to Aware Parenting, despite the most attentive parenting and continual closeness, all babies need to express their feelings and release accumulated stress.

The value of stress-release crying is supported by William Sears, who coined the term Attachment Parenting. He says, “Ever have an occasion when your baby or child is crying and nothing works to stop her? Take heart! It’s not your fault she is crying; nor is it your urgent responsibility to stop the cry. In fact, research has shown that crying is an important part of the recovery process - a physiologic aid to releasing stored stress. Tears produced to wash away irritants in the eye and those secreted as an emotional outlet have different chemical compositions. Emotional tears contain breakdown products not found in irritant tears, namely stress hormones, which increase during painful experiences. These fascinating findings indicate there may be a physiologic basis for the expression ‘have a good cry.’ Grief and hurt may be released through tears. Why be so quick to get babies and children to hold back their tears? Frantic hushing ... trains children to stifle pent-up emotions that, by a good cry, could be carried down the river of tears. Lucky is the child who feels the freedom to cry without rebuke. Wise is the parent who gives a supportive presence. There is a big difference between allowing your baby to cry (without panic on your part!) and leaving her to cry alone and uncomforted. Give your child the message, “It’s okay to cry; I’m here to help you.” (3)

When a parent does not know that all babies regularly need to cry in loving arms to heal, she will assume that he is crying to communicate an immediate need. Thinking he is hungry, she will feed him, thinking he is tired, she will rock and jiggle him, or thinking he is bored, she will offer games and toys. Aware Parenting understands that when a parent repeatedly responds in particular ways to her baby’s need for stress-release crying, he soon learns to respond to his upset feelings in that same way. For example, if she feeds him every time he is upset, he will “ask” for food when he is upset. This becomes a “control pattern,” a habit that the baby uses to hold his feelings inside. Control patterns are often in place by the age of six months, which is why responding to the cues of babies and children may get more complicated as they get older.

But if a parent understands that all babies need to express their feelings and release any stresses or traumas that they have experienced, she can observe her baby’s cues. She can meet his immediate needs when that is what he is asking for. When he is crying to heal, she can simply hold him with her loving attention whilst he cries. Resisting the urge to rock, jiggle, or bounce him, she gives him the opportunity to release tension and learn that feelings are his friends.

So how do we tell when a baby is crying to communicate an immediate need and when he is crying to heal? Below are some suggestions summarised from “The Aware Baby.”

Meeting immediate needs
Touch
One of babies’ most important needs is be touched and held. Babies enjoy having physical closeness day and night, and this kind of connection is essential for secure attachment. Co-sleeping and being carried in a baby carrier or sling during the day meet babies’ needs the most, as do caressing, massaging and breast feeding.

Connection and attunement
Babies also need connection and attunement for secure attachment. They invite connection through gaze, movement, vocalising, and later, smiling. Attunement is when a baby expresses a feeling and the parent express it back. For the first nine months, parents generally express the feeling back in the same way, for example the baby smiles and the parent smiles back with the same level of excitation. This is crucial to help babies know that their feelings are shared and acceptable. (4)

Reducing overstimulation and stress
Premature babies, newborns, and more sensitive babies are especially vulnerable to overstimulation but all babies experience it. This includes noise from televisions and stereos, and visual stimulation from shopping trips and lots of people. If a parent chooses to take her baby to a place where there is lots of stimulation, she can help protect him by carrying him close to her body in a sling or baby carrier. A baby will not be overstimulated by being touched and held all day long.

“Much of the crying that occurs in the early months may be due to overstimulation, As a general guideline, the younger the baby, the easier he is to overstimulate.” (5).

Many things can be frightening for babies, including loud noises, long separations, conflict between parents, and parents being angry or depressed.

“Babies are extremely sensitive and vulnerable. Strive to keep their stress level to a minimum and reduce their need to cry.” (6)

Reducing stressful events for a baby will reduce the amount of time he needs to cry, but there will always be some tension that he needs to release.

What to do when a baby cries
Parents can check if he has any immediate needs such as closeness, food, warmth, etc. Read below for how to distinguish between these needs. If the crying sounds different to usual or is high pitched, they check out his physical health. If their baby is healthy and has no medical or physical problems, and all his immediate needs have been met, then he is probably crying to release tension from past stresses. Then they can hold their baby as he cries, for as long as he cries, and give him empathy, reassurance, and love. This is part of the attunement process and tells their baby that his feelings are understood and accepted. When he has finished he will either be very alert or fall into a peaceful sleep.

Once a baby can crawl, holding and crying changes. If he is crying to heal and his parents are not holding him, they can stay close to him, give him loving attention, and let him choose whether he wants to be held.

How to tell if a baby needs to cry to heal
The easiest ways to tell when a baby needs to cry are if he is sucking his thumb or a dummy, or clinging to a special blanket or toy - these are control patterns and not immediate needs. When a behaviour can be both an immediate need and a control pattern (for example feeding), there are other cues, for example:

* If a baby asks for something when he is obviously upset
* If the cry is sudden and loudly full blown
* If he looks “spaced out”

If he has been recently fed and changed and is physically comfortable and still crying, then just holding him calmly will determine whether he needs to cry -
if he continues to cry then he may be needing to release some stresses.

How much does a baby need to cry to heal?
This depends on how much stress he has experienced, particularly birth complications, prenatal stress, or early separations. Also, babies differ in their sensitivity levels and this will affect how much they need to cry. Some babies will only need a few minutes a day, others several hours a day. The amount will increase if there are major changes going on, family stresses, and before developmental milestones (like learning to crawl).

For the first few days after birth, babies spend most of their time feeding and sleeping. After this period, they begin to need to cry to release stress. If control patterns are not used, crying peaks around six weeks and decreases after three months. From about six weeks on, it is common for a baby to have one crying session a day, for an hour or more, usually in the late afternoon or evening. If a baby has had a difficult birth, he may tend to cry every day at the same time of his birth.

Distinguishing between a need for movement and a need for healing
When a baby is alert and happy she will enjoy gentle movement such as rocking, swinging, dancing and bouncing. When a baby is fussy or crying she is saying that she has different needs, which could be immediate (such as feeding), or a need to release past stresses. Babies do not cry to express a need for movement.

If jiggling, rocking or movement become control patterns, the baby will learn to move whenever she is upset. This leads to behaviours such as self-rocking, head-banging, and hyperactivity.

Distinguishing between a need for food and a need for healing
Newborn babies’ reflexes mean they turn their heads and suck on anything that touches their cheeks, whether they are hungry or not. For the first week or two, a mother can feed her baby every time her baby grunts, fusses or cries in order to establish the milk supply. After then, she can look for cues for when her baby needs to cry to release tension and stress.

If a baby is fed when she is not hungry but needs to release stress, feeding temporarily calms her, ensuring that she does not regurgitate milk. But the feelings are only postponed and soon they resurface and she becomes fussy again. She seems to need feeding many times throughout the day and night. Actually, she is repeatedly trying to release her stress through crying.

When a baby is repeatedly fed when she needs to cry, she learns to ask to feed when she is upset. Behaviours such as feeding every two hours or more after six months, or when hurt or frustrated, and frequent night waking also occur. After weaning, she will do lots of crying and have tantrums as she lets out the feelings that the breast feeding has been holding down (unless new control patterns are developed). As she gets older, she may eat or be addicted to sweet things to repress her feelings.

“Many mothers confuse food with love, thinking that offering their breast is the only way to show love to their babies. There are many ways of responding to your baby and showing love without offering your breast. One of them is by holding and listening.” (7)

There are several guidelines to help read a baby’s hunger cues.

Type of crying
* Hunger builds up gradually and is communicated by grunts of discomfort or a whine which develops into a full blown cry if a baby is not fed.
* A sudden full blown cry is more likely to indicate stress release.

Feeding behaviour
* If she is hungry, a baby will latch on eagerly and feed calmly (unless there is a lot of noise or distraction).
* If she needs to cry to heal she will latch on reluctantly, will suck but start crying again soon, will squirm, grunt or bite, or will suck sporadically and irregularly. If she does any of these, her parents could simply hold her lovingly to see if she needs to release stress.
** (Check out other reasons for crying after starting feeding, such as too much milk, milk not coming, or a stuffed up nose).

Feeding intervals
* If a baby has fed from both breasts and has a full feed and if she cries less than two and a half hours since the beginning of the previous feed, it is not likely to be hunger.
* As a baby grows, the interval between feedings usually increases as her stomach can hold more milk. If a baby starts crying more frequently as she gets older, it may indicate that she has some crying to catch up on.
** (Check out other reasons, such as hot weather, illness, a growth spurt, insufficient milk, or being ready for solids).

One mother wrote about her experiences with her six week old daughter after reading “The Aware Baby,” “At that time she was beginning to have crying spells which I did not understand, and I was beginning to get frantic. Perhaps some of this crying was due to colic. I went off dairy products and the cramped, painful crying practically disappeared. On the other hand ... I was offering her my breast every time she cried, or walking her to sleep. She was nursing fitfully every hour or so during the day, and I was beginning to notice that she seemed kind of “zoned out.” The first week when I encouraged her to cry was really rough. For the first three days she did almost nothing but cry, and my family went around holding their ears and trying not to interfere. Just as I was losing my nerve, my family became supportive. Now I am the proud Mama of a seven-month-old baby who everyone says is so alert. .......Perhaps, as she won’t be carrying so much past hurt around with her, she will always be in touch with the person she is now:......so fresh, so intelligent.” (8)

Cues for introducing solids
A baby will indicate when she is ready to start solids, for example, if she tries to take her parents’ food, or if she still seems hungry after breast feeding, or if she is feeding more frequently and is dissatisfied (and she is doing enough crying in arms).

If a parent trusts his baby and offers her a variety of healthy foods, she will choose what her body needs. He can refrain from praising, rewarding, or encouraging foods or making her eat more than she wants to. She will learn to trust her body and her appetite. She will tell him if she wants the food he offers her by opening her mouth or moving his hand towards her mouth. If she doesn’t want it, she will keep her mouth closed or will push it away or turn her head.

Distinguishing between a need for sleep and a need for healing
Babies’ sleepiness cues include drooping eyes, rubbing eyes, lying down, or clinging.
When a baby is simply sleepy, and has done enough crying in arms, he looks tired and relaxed and will spontaneously fall asleep with physical closeness. He does not need anything to be done to him to fall asleep.

Behaviours usually interpreted as tiredness, such as fussing, whining, fidgeting, or hyperactivity are actually cues for a need to cry. When a baby is tired, he cannot repress his feelings as easily, which is why babies often fuss or cry at the end of the day.

A baby who is fussing and who has not cried in arms won’t fall asleep unless he has a control pattern to repress his feelings long enough for him to fall asleep. These control patterns include sucking his thumb or a dummy, clutching a blanket or soft toy, breast or bottle feeding for comfort, or being rocked, walked, bounced, jiggled, or driven in a car. These control patterns make the baby “spaced out” so that he temporarily relaxes enough to fall asleep.

However, if a baby is put to sleep this way, his feelings will emerge again soon, perhaps as he enters a state of light sleep, or if he is put down. Then he wakes up ready to release his stress. Parents usually then repeat the control pattern, which leads to frequent night waking as the baby continues to wake to release the tension held in his body.

For the first few months babies will usually wake up once or more during the night because they are hungry and need feeding. By the time they are six months old, most healthy babies can sleep through, although some may need one night feeding. If a baby is six months old or more and wakes up more than once, it is probably not from hunger.

Reasons for night waking include hunger (less likely after six months), a need for physical closeness, pain, sickness, or discomfort, feeling scared or having a nightmare, or needing to release stress by crying in arms.

“The most likely cause for night awakenings in older babies is a need to release accumulated stress by crying (while being held). Perhaps your baby does not have sufficient opportunities to cry during the day and at bedtime.” (9)

Instead of using control patterns in the daytime and to get their baby to sleep, parents can watch for stress release cues and lovingly hold their baby whilst he cries. The more a baby releases tension during the day, the less likely he needs to cry at night. Before sleeping, parents can allow their baby to release any remaining stress in their arms, so that he falls asleep peacefully and sleeps soundly.

Distinguishing between a need for stimulation and a need for healing
If a parent frequently offers toys and stimulation when his baby needs to cry, she will learn to repress her feelings this way. She will then “ask” to be entertained when she is upset. A baby with this control pattern will seem to “constantly demand attention.” In fact, she simply needs loving attention without distraction so that she can release stress.

If a parent has offered his baby entertainment and she is still agitated, he can first check that she is not hungry or uncomfortable. If none of these apply, then she is probably needing to cry in his arms.

“If nothing seems to make your baby happy for very long, you can hold her but refrain from distracting her, and see what happens. Speak gently to her and let he know that you are willing to listen. If she needs to cry, she will then do so. If not, she will probably find a way to entertain herself while being held.... After she has cried, she may be ready for stimulation, and you can then play with her in whatever manner she requests. Many parents find, however, that babies who have cried enough do not demand any further attention after crying, and are able to entertain themselves for longer stretches of time.” (10)

The value of healing during infancy and childhood
Healing from childhood pain as an adult is often lengthy and difficult. That is why I love encouraging parents to help their babies and children heal as they grow. When a baby’s parents respond to his cues and are present with him as he cries to heal, he develops a deep inner sense that all of his being is loved and acceptable. Not only that, but he grows into an adult who has already healed from the difficult experiences in his life, free from patterns of repression, and comfortable with his feelings. He develops from an aware baby into an aware adult, ready to contribute his unique gifts to the world.


Marion Badenoch Rose lives with her three year old daughter, husband and three dogs in Northern New South Wales. She has been studying infant and child development for the past 18 years. This includes a degree in psychology and a Ph.D. on the mother-infant relationship from Cambridge University. She has diplomas in Psychosynthesis counselling and psychotherapy, and has worked in Universities in England as Research Fellow in infant development, and Lecturer. She is a certified Aware Parenting instructor. She offers consultations, courses and workshops for parents. Her dream is for all parents to welcome the healing crying, raging and laughter of babies and children. She can be contacted at awareparenting@iinet.net.au

References
1. deMause, L., ed. (1974) The History of Childhood: The Untold Story of Child Abuse. New York. Peter Bedrick Books.
2. Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby (revised edition) Shining Star Press, p.39
3. Sears, W. and Sears, M. (1993) The Baby Book. Little, Brown and Co., p.349.
4. Stern, Daniel. (1985) The Interpersonal World of the Infant New York Basic Books.
5. Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby, p.131
6. Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby, p.49
7. Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby, p.79
8. in Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby, p.127-8
9. Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby, p.113
10. Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby, p.133-134

Aletha Solter’s three books are:

Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby (revised edition) Shining Star Press
ISBN 0-9613073-7-4

Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-6-6

Solter, A. (1989) Helping Young Children Flourish (Two to eight years of age)
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-1-5

They are available from www.Awareparenting.com

For more information about emotional release in babies and children,
See Aletha Solter’s website at www.Awareparenting.com


This article was first published in Natural Parenting Magazine in 2005

Babe in Arms, Crying to Heal

Babe in Arms, Crying to Heal
by Marion Badenoch Rose, Ph.D.


More than a quarter of a century ago, Aletha Solter, Ph.D., developed a form of attachment parenting known as Aware Parenting, yet many parents and professionals remain unaware of the significant contributions she has to offer. Aware Parenting encompasses practices which establish secure attachment, such as: natural birth; breast-feeding on demand; co-sleeping; and carrying baby in a sling.

Where Aware Parenting differs from many other attachment parenting styles is in its understanding of crying as a way to release tension and trauma. Using this approach I have come to understand that attachment is not just about holding a baby close and being sensitive to his needs, but also about accepting and empathising with all of his feelings.

Aletha Solter’s pioneering work has taught a generation of parents how they can support their babies and children to heal from the effects of frustrating and frightening experiences through crying, raging, laughing, and symbolic play. Her work is highly recommended by important figures such as Dr. Thomas Gordon (author of Parent Effectiveness Training), and Jeannine Parvati Baker (midwife and author of Prenatal Yoga and Natural Birth).

Since the ground-breaking studies in attachment by Dr. John Bowlby in the 1950’s, there has been increasing recognition that babies need frequent physical closeness, prompt responsiveness, and continuity of carers. A crucial aspect of secure attachment is acceptance of all of the feelings of babies and children, (rather than distraction from them). Insecure attachment, characterised by aggression to parents, continual clinging or whining, and avoidance of closeness, disappears when parents learn to welcome crying. A parent’s nurturing responsiveness to her child’s full range of emotions leads to an engaging and joyful intimacy between them.

I came across Aware Parenting when I was pregnant with my now three year old daughter. I had spent the previous 14 years studying the mother-infant relationship, in part inspired by my own experience of being in an incubator for the first five weeks of my life. Aware Parenting fitted all that I had previously learnt. What I found most inspiring was the knowledge that I could give my daughter every opportunity to heal from hurts as they occurred, rather than her waiting 20 or 30 years to do so! I am so grateful for the way in which Aware Parenting has helped create intimacy, clarity and ease in my relationship with my daughter. Her behaviour indicates to me that she has benefited from it immensely.

In writing this article, I asked a friend what she most appreciates about Aware Parenting. She said, “Helping my son release his feelings helps me feel more connected and attached to him. I think that Aware Parenting enhances all the other attachment parenting principles; it gives attachment a depth that you don’t know of until you do it.”

Understanding crying
Aware Parenting recognises two types of crying in babies. The first signals an immediate need, such as for closeness, food, stimulation, or relief from discomfort. The second type of crying serves to heal the baby - from birth trauma and prenatal stress, as well as the daily stresses of babyhood, such as overstimulation, frightening events, misattunement to their needs, and developmental frustration.

So if a crying baby is physically well and all of her immediate needs have been met, the chances are that she has some emotional tension to release. In harmony with all attachment parenting, Aware Parenting advocates that a crying baby is never left alone. But if she is crying to heal, her parents can hold her, without jiggling, rocking, singing, walking, or feeding her, since these only serve to distract her and create life long patterns for repressing feelings from awareness. Being lovingly present and gently talking to the baby will give her the acceptance and safety she needs to let out her feelings. She may writhe and kick, since babies cry through their whole bodies, particularly when they are releasing birth trauma. At this point a parent may worry that surely the baby is hungry or physically uncomfortable, but as long as all of the baby’s immediate needs have been met and she is physically well, this crescendo can be welcomed. When she has expressed all that she needs to, she will become calmer, moving into a very alert state where she makes eye contact, or otherwise she will fall into a deep and tranquil sleep. If she falls asleep in the middle of the intense crying phase, she will awaken ready to finish the session.

For the first three months of my daughter’s life I fed her as soon as she woke up, and many times a day, even though she “threw up” so often that we owned about 50 bibs! I fed her constantly through the evening despite the fact that she frequently came on and off the breast and turned her head away. I would jiggle her, walk her in the sling, and do anything to keep her from crying. By the time she was three months old, I decided that I wanted to distinguish between when she was hungry and when she was needing to express her upset feelings. Around dinner time she would seem agitated rather than hungry, and I held her whilst she cried for the first time. (Before this she had hardly cried at all). Afterwards I felt really upset, thinking that maybe I had damaged her. I tried again the next day, and I felt really anxious that she might be hungry, even though she had just finished a long feed. But as I saw how much calmer she was and how she made eye contact after that cry, I felt more confident. My husband was at first concerned, until he held her crying for the first time. The peaceful presence and gazing that they shared after that cry moved him deeply and ever since he has been more than happy to hold her whilst she cries.

Once children can talk, they can express their hurt feelings through words. However, they still need to let out their emotional pain through crying, raging, symbolic play, and laughter (the latter helps release anxiety and fear). As with infants, children also sweat, tremble, and yawn to release stress hormones. Children need to know they are in an emotionally safe environment where expressing feelings is welcomed and where their needs for closeness, empathy, autonomy and respect are met. Aware Parenting helps us understand the behaviour of children that might otherwise be called “misbehaviour;” children act in ways which parents don’t enjoy either because: their needs are not being met; they are too young to understand; or they have emotional tension which requires release.

Understanding the behaviour of babies and children
Aware Parenting results in interpretations of babies’ and children’s behaviour that differ markedly to most other parenting styles. Where others may label a child’s behaviour as spirited, spoilt, naughty, or manipulative, Aware Parenting shows us that many behaviours can be understood in terms of unexpressed emotions which are held in the child’s body as physical and emotional tension. Aware Parenting explains that a child who experiences only loving kindness but not supported emotional release may still exhibit “violent” and “oppositional” behaviour, and may avoid intimacy, because he doesn’t know how else to express all the feelings he is holding inside.

An inability to sleep even when tired, frequent night waking after six months, and very early waking in older children may all indicate tension caused by unexpressed feelings. Babies and children cry when they are tired because their ability to repress their feelings is reduced at these times; being held as they cry allows them to fall into a restful sleep. “Fussiness”and agitation in the evening also indicates a build up of the stimulation of the day which can be released through supported crying. So-called “high need” babies may simply be babies who have experienced stress in utero or a traumatic birth and thus have a lot of feelings to be expressed.

Frequently asking for the breast when not hungry, or when physically or emotionally hurt may mean that the baby has already learnt a way to keep her feelings at bay. Coming on and off the breast for long periods, “spacing out,” and frequently being sick may also indicate that a baby needs to let out tension in her body rather than feed more.

“Whining”, asking for things which she then doesn’t want, biting, kicking, pulling hair and hyperactivity all indicate that a child is trying to deal with the agitation she feels. Tantrums are a means for emotional release and healing and occur when strong feelings can no longer be held in. A baby or toddler who cries when she is picked up probably does so because the closeness helps her connect to the hurt feelings she has inside. Babies and children who avoid eye contact and connection are protecting themselves from their emotional pain.

Recently, a friend of mine was telling me how confused she was about her daughter’s behaviour. “I don’t understand, how come she hits me and other children, and is so rough with our cats, when I carried her constantly when she was a baby?” Another parent expressed her concern over her son’s high activity level, saying he often seemed agitated; she was particularly upset that he rarely made eye contact with her and often pushed her away.

A friend who practises Aware Parenting told me about her three and a half year old son’s behaviour one morning, “He was agitated, running around and yelling, and didn’t want to eat breakfast or any other food we offered him. He was playing with his dad and getting frustrated and hitting him. I told him that I wanted to help him let his feelings out, and I held him in the bedroom whilst he cried. Afterwards he ate plenty of food, was calm and present, and had a bath with his dad; they were close and intimate and enjoyed each other’s company.”

I find that when my daughter and I are not connected, it means that either she or I have hurt feelings which need expression. When a child or adult is holding onto upset feelings, true connection is difficult.

What are the benefits?
When a parent responds promptly and precisely to her baby’s signals, and distinguishes between his need for emotional healing and his needs for food, sleep and stimulation, he displays specific behaviours. He is calm and alert, and his body is relaxed. He goes to sleep when he is tired (with physical closeness), without needing feeding, rocking or routines, and sleeps soundly. He is happy and enjoys closeness but is also content to entertain himself at times.

He is able to concentrate for long periods, learns easily, and enjoys cooperating, as his attention is free from stored painful feelings. He does not bite or hit other children, animals, or his parents, but generally plays harmoniously and with sensitivity to his own body and those of others. As an adult, he has a deep level of acceptance of himself, and is comfortable with the strong feelings of others. He has intimate connections with others and the natural world. He does not need to use food, distraction, TV, alcohol or drugs to numb himself from his pain but cries when he needs to.

Being with our own feelings
With all this knowledge available, why is Aware Parenting still practiced by so few? A misunderstanding about the meaning and purpose of crying and raging is a major reason. Lack of support for this kind of parenting in our society, as well as a cultural fear of feelings in general, is another. But also because when our baby cries or our child cries and rages, it stimulates the feelings we are protecting ourselves from. Holding our crying three month old might connect us to our own grief from when we were left to cry alone. Holding our raging three year old may stimulate fear connected with our own memories of birth, or powerlessness from when we were punished for crying. To practice Aware Parenting entails getting enough support to express the pain that is stimulated in us as we parent our children empathically. We may also choose to challenge the ways we habitually deal with our own feelings, such as by eating, excessive activity, or muscle tension. It is never too late to start supporting our children to heal using the mechanism they were born with, or to seek help to get our own needs for empathy and emotional support met.

I still encourage and support my daughter to have a cry most days. I notice that when she has not had a cry for a while, she is more agitated, more likely to wake in the night, more easily frustrated, and concentrates less. When I’m upset, I’m not truly present and empathic with my daughter’s feelings, and sometimes behave in ways I later regret. So when I get agitated or upset I try to get empathy from a friend, or cry in my husband’s arms after my daughter has gone to bed.

I hope to see more widespread understanding about the needs of babies and children in our society. I look forward to the day when, rather than distracting, punishing or ignoring an upset child, his crying and raging are welcomed, his parents are given plenty of emotional support, and the benefits become so well known that every supermarket provides a crying room!

For more information about emotional release in babies and children,
See Aletha Solter’s website at www.Awareparenting.com
and Patty Wipfler’s at www.parentleadershipinstitute.com
and John Breeding’s at www.wildestcolts.com

Marion Badenoch Rose has been studying infant and child development for the past 18 years. This includes a degree in psychology and a Ph.D. on the mother-infant relationship from Cambridge University. She has diplomas in Psychosynthesis counselling and psychotherapy, and has worked in Universities in England as Research Fellow and Lecturer. She offers consultations and workshops for parents. She is a certified Aware Parenting instructor. She can be contacted at awareparenting@iinet.net.au


References
Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby (revised edition) Shining Star Press
ISBN 0-9613073-7-4

Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-6-6

Solter, A. (1989) Helping Young Children Flourish (Two to eight years of age)
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-1-5


This article was first published in Natural Parenting Magazine, www.naturalparenting.com.au
Summer 2004

Aware Parenting

Crying and emotional release in babies - the Aware Parenting approach

by Marion Badenoch Rose, PhD

Aware Parenting is a term coined by Aletha Solter, a developmental psychologist who studied with Dr. Jean Piaget in Switzerland before gaining her Ph.D. at the University of California. She is the founder and director of The Aware Parenting Institute (www.aware parenting.com), an international organization with certified instructors in ten different countries. She is recognized internationally as an expert on attachment and non-punitive discipline. Her books, “The Aware Baby”, “Tears and Tantrums”, and “Helping Young Children Flourish”, have been translated into several languages.

What is Aware Parenting?
Aware Parenting is based on attachment-style parenting, non-punitive discipline, and acceptance of emotional release.

Like other attachment parenting methods, Aware Parenting advocates:
natural childbirth and early bonding, plenty of physical contact, breast-feeding, prompt responsiveness to crying, and sensitive attunement.

Solter also recommends non-punitive discipline, including no punishments of any kind (including "time-out" and artificial "consequences"), no rewards or bribes, the search for underlying needs and feelings, Nonviolent Communication, and peaceful conflict-resolution (family meetings, etc.)

However, Aware Parenting is different to some other attachment parenting styles in its approach to crying and emotional release, which is the focus of this article.

Solter’s approach advocates healing of babies’ and children’s stress and trauma through crying and raging in the context of a loving parent/child relationship. Respectful, empathic listening and acceptance of babies’ and children's emotions is central to this way of parenting.

Why does your baby cry?
Aware Parenting proposes that when your baby cries, she is either crying to communicate, or crying to heal. These two reasons for crying ask for very different responses.

When your baby cries to communicate, she needs something immediately, such as holding, food, stimulation, warmth, etc. Here, your role is to fulfill her need as accurately and promptly as possible.

If your baby is still crying after you have checked her immediate needs, she is probably crying to heal. There is a general lack of recognition about this type of crying. Babies cry to heal from emotional or physical hurts or an accumulation of stresses. Here, your role is to lovingly hold your baby, allowing her to continue crying until she has released her stressful feelings.

When parents do not realise that their baby is crying to heal, they try to stop her crying by bouncing, jiggling, rocking, and walking her, feeding her for comfort, (breast, bottle or solids), giving her a dummy, or distracting her. Her stressful feelings get stored up for another time, and she will keep trying to release that tension at every opportunity - especially when she is tired, when she is frustrated, or when she is lovingly held.

Babies who are prevented from crying to heal may appear contented, but may sometimes have a spaced out expression indicating that they are holding in painful feelings. They might whine, be hyperactive, wake up frequently, bite, hit, or cry intensely to a seemingly small event.

Aware Parenting is very different from controlled crying or crying-it-out, where parents aim to stop their baby crying by leaving her to cry alone. Solter suggests that crying alone is a terrifying experience for a baby, which leads to a loss of trust. She repeatedly states that babies should never be left alone to cry. If a baby is left to cry, she may develop thumb sucking, spacing out, or over-attachment to a blanket or stuffed animal to help her numb her distressed feelings.

Sources of stress for infants
Solter recommends aiming to keep stress to a minimum for babies.

There are several sources of stresses for babies, which fit in the following six categories: prenatal stress; birth trauma; unfilled needs (eg. to be held); overstimulation (eg. new experiences); developmental frustrations (eg. wanting to be competent at a new skill); physical pain; and frightening events (eg. separation from parents).

Stress and trauma are seen as primary causes of many behavioural and emotional problems if supported release does not occur. Solter reassures us that it is never too late to help our babies and children heal from stressful events through allowing them to cry and rage with us.

How to respond to a crying baby
First, check your baby’s immediate needs. In “The Aware Baby”, Solter gives guidelines for distinguishing between a need to cry and other needs. Medical problems, allergies, and physical discomfort also need to be ruled out.

If your baby is still crying, you can assume that he is releasing tensions caused by past hurts or stresses. Hold your baby calmly and lovingly whilst he cries, without bouncing or jiggling. Look into his eyes, talk to him, (eg. “I’m here with you.”), and listen to him. This gives him emotional safety. Allow him to continue crying for as long as he needs. Solter recommends never holding your baby for punishment, revenge, or to create submission. Don’t ever let him cry alone.

After crying to release stresses, babies are often relaxed, calm, alert, and happy, or may fall into a peaceful sleep.

The physiology of stress and crying
Solter postulates that crying and raging after emotional stress may have evolved to reduce the negative side effects of the fight or flight response. A biochemist called William Frey has detected certain hormones and neurotransmitters (such as ACT and catecholamines) in tears. These help the body prepare for fight or flight in situations of danger. Afterwards, the remains of these chemicals keep the body in a state of tension and arousal. Frey suggests that shedding tears when crying stops these chemicals from accumulating, thus preventing deleterious physical and emotional effects.

The benefits of supported crying
The empathy and unconditional acceptance communicated when you hold your crying baby fosters her healthy attachment, self-esteem, and self-acceptance.

Babies who regularly release stresses are generally calm, content, cooperative, and alert, with little whining or fussing. They often sleep at night for longer periods than other babies.

Fears and phobias may be prevented when a baby is allowed to cry in a supported manner soon after a frightening or traumatic event.

Allow your baby to heal from early stresses and traumas and she will probably have more attention for learning. On the other hand if there is a high level of accumulated tensions in her body, it may be harder for her to concentrate, learn new things and think clearly.

Allowing your baby to express her feelings freely whilst holding and supporting her may also lead to later emotional and physical wellbeing, and an intact ability to heal from stresses throughout her whole life.

Control patterns
When a baby is repeatedly prevented from crying to heal, he learns to repress his strong emotions and crying with this same method. This behaviour becomes repetitive or compulsive, and is known as a control pattern. Control patterns are usually well-established by six months of age.

Control patterns include frequent feeding for comfort rather than hunger, dummy sucking, thumb sucking, excessive clinging, attachment to a special blanket or toy, constant demands for entertainment or distraction, hyperactivity, self-rocking, and head-banging.

These methods only postpone the crying, putting the baby into a kind of trance-like state, where he dissociates from, or numbs, the feelings, but does not release them.

Once a control pattern is in place, responding accurately to a baby’s needs becomes more complex. For example, if a baby is given the bottle every time he cries, he will soon learn to ask for the bottle when he is upset, as well as when he is hungry. His request for the bottle seems like a need for milk every time. This control pattern can lead to frequent feeding and night-waking in older babies.

Control patterns become hard to change unless the parents or caretakers lovingly allow and accept their baby’s crying. Then the control patterns can disappear, often quite quickly.

Alternatively, these control patterns continue into adulthood, for example when we avoid our feelings by eating, drinking, smoking, or watching TV. When control patterns are used to protect ourselves from traumatic feelings, they are possibly the precursors of addictions to food, alcohol, and drugs.

We often pass on our own control patterns to our children. For example, if we tend to eat to repress our feelings, we are likely to feed our baby every time he cries.

How to help your baby sleep through the night (without ignoring them)
When a baby is tired she has less energy to repress her feelings and so will cry more readily. Encouraging her to continue this release is the recipe for a restful night’s sleep. If she has already released her tensions during the day, she will fall asleep simply by being held.

A baby who has pent up feelings finds it difficult to fall asleep even when she is tired. She resorts to control patterns to distract her from her tension long enough to fall asleep. Chances are that she will not sleep well because the emotions are still lurking just below the surface.

Young babies commonly wake up hungry more than once during the night. However, frequent night waking in babies over six months old is most likely caused not by hunger, but by the need to relieve stress with a cry.

Solter recommends not using a control pattern to put your baby to sleep, ie. not feeding, rocking, singing, jiggling, or using distractions. Instead, you can hold your baby lovingly, reassure her, and give her your full attention so that she can cry if she needs to. After crying, she will relax and fall into a comfortable sleep in your arms. She will also learn to distinguish between when she is tired, hungry, or feeling upset.

If your baby over six months old wakes for a second time in the night, you can hold her and offer her a drink or snack rather than the breast or bottle. If she is not hungry, thirsty, or simply needing closeness, she needs to release. Hold her in your loving arms. She will cry out her remaining tensions and fall into a deep satisfying sleep.

My experience with Aware Parenting
I researched alternative sites for birthing and parenting, and found many references to Solter’s work. I felt intrigued, especially reading reviews of her books, such as:

"This book is so important, for the health of our children and our society, that ... I am recommending it to every professional and parent that I know."
William R. Emerson, Ph.D. (Pioneer in infant and child psychotherapy)

“... Tears and Tantrums. This book needs to be in every library... The information therein will free families of emotional trauma in order to journey through life's challenges together in trust."
Jeannie Parvati Baker (Midwife and author of Prenatal Yoga and Natural Birth)

After reading and rereading Solter’s books and practising her methods, I feel as passionate about Aware Parenting as these authors do!

I read “Tears and Tantrums” whilst I was pregnant, yet for the first 3 months after my daughter Lana was born I never let her cry. Whenever she began to cry my own feelings of distress would get triggered, and I would feed her immediately. When I look back I see that I fed her even when she needed to cry to release stored feelings. I fed her for hours in the evening, even though she fussed, repeatedly came on and off the breast and frequently threw up. These are the kind of signals that a baby may give when she is needing to release accumulated tensions.

When Lana was 3 months old, I started letting her cry in my arms when I thought she needed to heal from daily stresses. The first few times I felt really worried that she might be hungry, even if she had recently had a long feed.

However, I soon felt comfortable when the beneficial effects became clear. Before crying she was tense and avoided eye contact, and afterwards she was deeply relaxed and would gaze blissfully into our eyes. After a cry she was more content and slept more peacefully and for longer periods. She would have a cry every evening for between 15 minutes and an hour. However, I still sometimes felt confused about distinguishing her hunger from her need to cry, and so feeding was still a control pattern for her.

When she was seven months old, I reread The Aware Baby and took Solter’s advice about breast feeding on both sides at each feed. Lana started going for longer between each feed, and then I felt more confident differentiating between when she was hungry and when she needed to cry. She stopped being sick and only woke up once during the night. A few months later she began sleeping all the way through.

Lana is now 18 months old and has a cry most days, often before she goes to sleep. She sometimes goes for a few days without crying, such as when we go out a lot. At those times she shows an accumulation of tensions - at night she becomes unsettled and fidgety, sometimes waking up, and during the day she is less contented and more frustrated.

I joined an Aware Parenting web list when Lana was about 8 months old, and a month later I started a local weekly support group for other mums who were putting Solter’s methods into practice. The latter group is not running at the moment, but I am planning to start an Aware Parenting playgroup in the next few months.

Finding out more
If you feel interested in this way of parenting, I recommend reading one of Solter’s books first. See the reviews below to find out which one would suit you the most. I also suggest reading one of her books before joining the web group. You can join by going to www.awareparenting.com and following the links.

Marion Badenoch Rose has a degree in psychology and a Ph.D. on the mother-infant relationship from Cambridge University. She qualified in Psychosynthesis counselling and psychotherapy and worked as a University Research Fellow investigating early infant cognitive development. She lectured on The Therapeutic Relationship to M.A. students. She is a certified Aware Parenting instructor and offers workshops, courses, and consultations in person and by phone. She can be contacted at awareparenting@iinet.net.au

References

Frey, II, W.H. and Lang Seth, M. (1985) Crying: The Mystery of Tears Winston Press.

Solter, A. (2001) The Aware Baby (revised edition) Shining Star Press
ISBN 0-9613073-7-4
I recommend this book for pregnant mums (and dads) and parents of young babies, as it has chapters on pregnancy, birth, and attachment, as well as feeding, sleeping, crying and playing.

Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-6-6
Describes the purpose of crying and raging from birth to eight years of age, and how best to respond. It includes: helping babies sleep better (without ignoring them); helping children heal from stress and trauma; increasing children’s attention span and intelligence; improving children’s self-esteem and emotional health; reducing children’s violent behaviour and hyperactivity; and strengthening the parent/child bond.

Solter, A. (1989) Helping Young Children Flourish (Two to eight years of age)
Shining Star Press ISBN: 0-9613073-1-5
Focuses on the emotional needs of children from two to eight years. It provides insights to help you understand your child, maintain a close, loving relationship, and cope with day-to-day problems. It includes chapters on tears and tantrums, fears, learning, playing, conflicts, friendships, and eating.

This article first appeared in Byron Child magazine www.byronchild.com
in 2003.

Welcome to Aware Parenting

Welcome to my blog spot. I will be posting various articles I have written about Aware Parenting and related topics. I hope you enjoy them.
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